In Reverse
by Jclimactic
Summary: Eventually some lessons from your past come back to haunt you, sometimes they can be learnt from. Even the biggest things grow from small seeds. The story of the fall and rise of a relationship. When things are just meant to be, they happen, no matter how epic the struggle to resist.
1. Royce

**Disclaimer: Yeah right. I don't own Castle.**

**A/N: My second attempt. Not first person this time... I have a thick skin - don't worry, whatever your reaction you won't offend me. Have at it. [If anyone does review: please no spoilers.]**

Newly minted Agent Katherine Beckett made her way through the glass doors of the nondescript building. No fancy glassed in offices here, just the drab taupe of yet another generic government building. She had spent the last so weeks going through some specialized training, not the full boot camp of a new FBI special agent, but the specialized, crash course reserved for the AG's investigative team.

The first official day on the job, and the first day she'd be meeting the other member of the team. Other than Agent Stack who was now stood outside his office waiting for her to approach.

"Agent Beckett, it is good to finally see you. Welcome."

Beckett had been waiting for this day, the day her more started in earnest. Her response was immediate, "Thank you sir, it is great to be here."

Stack started to guide Beckett across the open plan floor to a cubicle, "This is your spot Agent. Settle in quickly, I'll be sending your supervising agent over shortly to introduce himself."

She was jerked out of her reverie later, thinking of friends left behind, by a throat clearing behind her.

"Might want to be a bit more observant of your surrounding Agent Beckett." The man smiled as he stuck out a hand in her general direction, not appearing to really want to shake, rather that he felt some sort of professional obligation. "I'm Agent Adelman, and I'll be helping you out learning the ropes."

"Pleasure to meet you agent, where do we start?" Beckett was in no mood for small talk here, itching to get started.

"Let me start by giving you some advice Beckett, and listen up because I'm only going to say this once," Adelman glanced over to ensure she was paying attention.

"Yes, sir?"

"This job can change your life, and the lives of those around you. You have the potential to excel here or you would never have even received an interview. You understand that don't you?" She nodded as he plowed on with his clearly carefully rehearse advice speech.

"We bring down major crime rings, instigate national security issues, and never get the credit - but it's not about the credit Beckett. Our role is to make a difference, to do more than any other investigative branch can ever dream or. We are the cream that has risen to the top. When you get stuck with an FBI 'special agent' for a case make sure to let them know - they aren't that special. We are." He was positively smirking at that last comment.

"Last thing Beckett, the job is huge, hugely important. What we on this team ask of you is complete commitment. You do not want to be looking back years from now wondering how much more of a difference you could have made. How much more you could have done. You do not want to have regrets in your twilight years, wondering... If only I had put the job first, if only I had thrown myself into it wholeheartedly."


	2. Josh

**Disclaimer: Yeah right. I don't own Castle.**

**A/N: My second attempt. Not first person this time... I have a thick skin - don't worry, whatever your reaction you won't offend me. Have at it. [If anyone does review: please no spoilers.]**

The first 9 months of the job and been intense, involving significant cases and a huge investment of time. Beckett felt like she hasn't slept in months, and really she had barely spent a night at her apartment in weeks. Instead she lived out of her rolling suitcase, dragging it from hotel to hotel, airport to airport. The one saving grace she supposed, constant upgrades to business class after accumulating a mountain of frequent flyer miles. Cold comfort really on the few nights she did spend at home.

One again she was dragging that beaten up suitcase through Reagan National airport, to catch the shuttle to Boston this time, just another trip away in along line of them. Over the time in the AG group she had learnt to be constantly vigilant, taking in her surroundings, looking out for faces. The call from behind her, "Kate?" caught her doubly by surprise as a result.

Looking back over her shoulder Beckett was frankly shocked to see a familiar face so out of place, "Josh? What on earth are you doing in DC?"

He smiled, as relaxed, honest and unstressed a smile as she had ever see from him, "Just passing through, on my way back home from a conference. What about you Kate? Have any time to catch up?"

Hesitantly she replied, "Look Josh, .."

Though she got no further, as he butted in, "Seriously Kate, just a quick drink, no ulterior motive here."

"I only have a little time before my flight, but sure a quick glass of wine wouldn't go amiss right now," with that consent he guided he into the small concourse win bar he had popped out of.

"Kate, it is honestly so great to see you, a you heading back home?"

Never quite sure how to respond to being questioned, especially about home, she instead reversed the roles, "How about you Josh? Still jetting around all over world saving lives?"

"Nope," and he flashed high hand forward, showing simple gold band, "I'm a changed man Kate, still helping, still healing.."

"You're married?" She couldn't help but blurt out the question, frankly more than a little shocked.

"Yep Kate, been married about a year now. You know I was on a long trip to the amazon right? Well I met someone down there, another doctor, she's now head of Rheumatology at Beth Israel, I'm on staff there too."

He appeared hesitant for a little bit before forging on, "I know I wasn't there for you much when we where together, but that's ancient history now. Gail and I, well we're together - we make sure to plan anything together, to coordinate our needs around each other. I wasn't fair to you before Kate, putting my career demands first, and I regret that."

Beckett started to gather her things, this had not gone as she had expected. She needed to leave anyway to catch her flight.

"I see you have to run Kate, I've got to hop the LaGuardia shuttle too. Gail has a big gala event tonight and I want to be there for her."

Josh gently caressed his wedding band and smiled at her, "what about you Kate? Anyone special in your life? Anyone to be there for you?"


	3. Will

**Disclaimer: Yeah right. I don't own Castle.**

**A/N: The whole story is actually finished (6 chaps + epilogue), except one little bit (not the ending!); so subject to final polishing (which stresses me something awful) there should be no problems getting a chapter up per day (at least)... I have a thick skin - don't worry, whatever your reaction you won't offend me. Have at it. [If anyone does review: please no spoilers.]**

Another day, another assignment for Agent Katherine Beckett. After two years things were not getting any easier. This day she rolled out her own bed for the first time as a newly promoted senior agent. It was a harsh reward, one that would consume even more of what remained of her nonexistent life. She had already given up everything that had mattered to her, so what little time remained barely cause a twinge of hesitation. The career was everything now.

Today she was being briefed on a terrorism case led by the DC based FBI anti-terrorism task force, at least before she had decided to assume jurisdiction. It was her case now, she wanted all the facts and so was sitting in the main Hoover Building auditorium. Right on time, the FBI agents started filing in while she was still perusing her preliminary file.

Without looking up she brought the meeting to attention, "Ok, why don't you show me what's so special about you all?"

The briefing was long, tedious, but actually quite thorough; Beckett was almost impressed. She thanked them, and stood to leave; waiting for them to file out ahead of her before leaving herself. On her way out she felt a tap to her shoulder, and a quiet, "Kate?"

As she turned, the voice continued, "Wow Kate, it's good to see you after so long. You look thinner, worn, are you okay?"

She completed her turn and saw Special Agent William Sorenson, she though it a little funny how she would saw everyone through the lens of the job, as titles and roles, no longer as people. Not very funny though. She had to make a conscious effort to think of him as Will.

"I'm fine Will, just been very busy. Walk with me, we can talk on my way out." With that she started to stride away.

"Look Kate, I know this isn't my place - but honestly you don't look that well today. Are you heading back the office now, or home? To Castle right?" In the years he'd known her, he'd never seen her freeze quite so still, almost as if she had frozen in time.

While she remained temporarily rigid, he continued, trying to avoid making the akward pause anymore pronounced than it had already become, to fill in the empty space hanging in the air, "I heard you finally got together a few years back. I assume you'd only take a job down here in DC if you both agreed it was best for you?"

With that she finally unfroze and swiveled once more to face him, addressing him in a frigid tone, "Castle was not part of the decision, we are no longer involved. Not that it is any of you business Will."

"No need to get defensive Kate, I was just showing some concern for a colleague.."

With that she snapped, "Enough! Special Agent Sorenson, my life is none of your concern."

Will finally smiled as she began to turn her back on him for probably the last time, a rather gruesome smirk if truth be told, "You didn't tell him did you Kate? You just took the job and left him behind. Makes me feel better about myself, at least I asked you to come with me Kate."

As she stalked away, he called after her one last time, "You told me I was an ass back then Kate, making it all about my life, my career, when I should have considered what we had too."


	4. Martha

**Disclaimer: Yeah right. I don't own Castle.**

**A/N: The only problem... it's the next chapter that isnt finished yet... I have a thick skin - don't worry, whatever your reaction you won't offend me. Have at it. [If anyone does review: please no spoilers.]**

Over the last couple of years Agent Beckett knew that she had built up new walls, a solid stone face blocking everything and allowing her to function perfectly in investigative role, undistracted from other concerns. Those walls had been refined in the fires of the job, compressed by its stresses. In the end, the heat and pressure had created something hard, protective, and beautifully stark when seen from the outside: a diamond fortress to hide herself behind. From the outside at least, from within all she saw was a ghostly, distorted reflection of herself.

Those walls had taken a beating recently, and Kate had finally realized her simple truth, the walls were hard, but brittle; and they had been showing cracks for months now. As happens with cracks, they had been enlarged by freezing and thawing, the hot and cold of emotions. Her run in with Will had taken its toll gradually, the impact sinking in over months as she had occasional moments of time sit and contemplate her life, reflect on her career.

The memories were old now but still fresh, it had been two and and half years since she'd walked this corridor; from the elevator to a door that had once seemed so familiar. She had honestly believed she would never be ready to face it again, but how things has changed so recently. The gradual creep of regret, the painful feeling of being alone; for so long the job had salved wounds and hurts. Until it had finally became the cause for them, leaving weeping sores as she lay alone at night in both familiar and unfamiliar beds.

Kate, for she hoped to rediscover some of the Kate of years past here, reached out, tapped on door and waited.

The whole edifice swung open rather abruptly, and she was confronted with the outsized reality of Martha Rodger, all glammed up to the gills with every appearance of being about to paint the town some kind of luminescent red.

"Katherine? Really, what a surprise; I honestly never expected to see you again." Despite the apparent shock in her words, Martha actually appeared to be smiling, did not seem to be unhappy to see her. For that Kate felt a renewed gratitude for someone who had seemed almost an adoptive mother to her those years ago.

A female voice called out for the rear of the loft, "Martha? Where did Rick put those cushions?" The voice was definitely not that of Alexis and Kate felt a pronounced nervousness effect her once again.

"Katherine, what can I do for you dear?" Martha was clearly trying to redirect Kate's focus onto her once again. To focus her, or to distract her from asking the wrongs questions, Kate was no longer sure.

"Is Rick here? Who is that?" While Kate was distracted by the bodiless voice, she had a reason for being here, and reason she was not willing to let go yet.

"That's Michelle dear. No Richard isn't here right now Katherine. He's at a meeting or something, I never bother to keep too close a track, he's a big boy. He had to eventually learn to look after himself, didn't he?" Martha had grabbed her coat and purse, stepping purposefully into the doorway, backing Kate up a little. Clearly it was time for her to go.

Kate did back up a little, she may never hesitate facing down a criminal, but Martha was an entirely different grade of unstoppable force. Nonetheless, she had something she had to ask, "When will he be back? I need to talk to him."

Martha stepped further forward, into hallway, backing Kate even futher away from the door and pulling the firmly closed behind her, jiggling the handle to ensure it was closed. Only then did she beginng speaking again, in a far less flippant than usual tone, "Katherine, you do know you hurt him? It was a long time ago now and he's mostly healed, but... Agent Beckett he may not be ready to see you now, he may never be ready to see you."


	5. Jim

**Disclaimer: Yeah right. I don't own Castle.**

**A/N: Believe it or not, Rick will actually make an an eventual appearance in this story ;-) I now have a newfound respect for authors who say the story ran away from them, got out of control, because this one certainly did. In fact, this chapter was not supposed to exist when I started drafting/writing... It wasn't the one that I refered to last chapter as having difficulty writing (that one now has to be completely redone...). I****t didn't even exist until noonish, at the behest of my 'beta' (a far btter writer than me!) - and then it turned into the longest yet... Enough already! You think I need a therapist don't you? I have a thick skin - don't worry, whatever your reaction you won't offend me. [If anyone does review: please no spoilers.]**

Kate felt almost like she had scampered back to DC with her tail between her legs after her run in with Martha. She had sought refuge in the familiar surroundings of work and the protective mask that could be slipped on. Agent Beckett never had these moments of uncertainty, of nervousness, though that was because she never had moments of involvement either.

Kate's memories of her exit from Castle's building still left her with a somewhat queasy feeling. She had almost felt like a perp as Martha hustled her out of the building, not really smiling anymore. Down the elevator, across the lobby and through the building doors; all with Martha's gentle hand on her elbow, ensuring she did not stray. Kate didn't fight it, didn't shrug off the touch of the older woman; she didn't feel that she had any right to struggle.

She had gone to see Rick, in the hope of reclaiming some of what she had left behind, rediscovering parts of herself she had lost; trying to fix herself. Martha had been very clear in the end: Rick was not ready see Agent Beckett - and that's who she was to them now. The professional, the investigator, whom neither had see or heard from in years. She was not welcome. He had, at most, barely fixed himself according to Martha; she had no right to expect him to help her fix herself, no right to expect him to chip away at the walls she had re-established between them in order to free Kate from own messed up life.

At the very end, as they parted, Martha had given her a final tight smile, "Agent Beckett, it's probably best you don't come back. Best for Richard at least." With that Martha had hopped into the waiting town-car and was gone.

The following week Kate found herself back in New York, officially for another FBI briefing; though she had taken an earlier shuttle than was necessary. She needed to see her dad, to talk, to clear her head.

Soon enough Kate was once again waiting at a familiar diner, she had a simple cup of black coffee in front of her. She had long since abandoned the double pump vanilla latte of her past - and she puzzled to recall exactly when the change had taken place. When and why she had given up something that had once meant so much to her and given her a simply daily dose of joy. That was it she supposed, the latte meant so much to Kate, so much that giving it up had been essential to her withdrawal into the job, into becoming nothing more than Agent Beckett, the woman with no time for attachments or complications. Yet here she was again, after a tough talking to by Martha, drinking plain black coffee and contemplating another bout of withdrawal.

"Katie, it really is good to see you, it's been months," her dad had finally made it to her booth, bent to give her a kiss on the cheek but then apparently thought better of it and simply sat down across the table instead.

She reached out to squeeze his hand, needing a little bit of contact before folding her hands back around her coffee mug, "Hi dad. Sorry I've been scarce, I've just been so wrapped up in work, no time for anything else."

"I know your work takes a lot of your time, it's big responsibility, I'm proud of your professional success," he smiled a gentle smile at that, "I'm am proud of you Agent Beckett."

At that she slapped her hand down on the table, jostling the coffee cups and bringing a somewhat surprised look to her dad's face, "Don't call me that dad!"

Jim raised his hands in a placating gesture at such an out of character outburst, "Whoa Katie! Why don't you tell me what is going on? Why did you want to talk today?"

"I went to see Rick a few days ago, but he wasn't in; Martha wouldn't even let me in the door to wait, just told me that Agent Beckett wasn't welcome, and that it'd be best if she didn't come back."

Her dad was staring at her a little quizzically now, "If she didn't come back? You are she Katie. Why did you go to see Rick? You haven't seen him in years right?"

That was questions she still wasn't entirely sure she wanted to admit the answer to out loud, "Did I tell you I saw Will Sorenson dad? I ran into him at a briefing a few months back; he rubbed my face in our breakup even though it's ancient history now, how he took a job and expected me to follow him. It got me wondering, remembering how nobody was there for me anymore, even Josh is there for someone now, but was never for me. I have nothing, or nothing but the job at least. I just started wondering, if only things were different, what would my life look like?"

Jim smiled as his daughter, "Don't forget who you're talking to Katie, a lawyer, a good one, and that was just an evasion. Why did you go to see Rick?"

She glanced down at her coffee cup before pushing it away into the center of the table, "I wanted to see him. I miss him dad. I miss smiling. Everything just feels so drab."

"Katie, this isn't even just about Rick is it? This is about your life being cold and lonely. Be honest with yourself Katie, you knew what the job was when you took it, you told me you'd have no time for any other life, no relationships, nothing else."

"Dad..."

"No Katie, you need to hear this. You have regrets? Unhappy with the consequences of your actions? Want to change you life back? I understand all that Katie, you hid in your work again for so long, and now that isn't enough. That actually makes me even more proud of you Katie. You are growing." With that he reached across the table to grasp both her hands and gave them a firm squeeze, not letting go as he continued to talk.

"But Katie is this all fair to Rick? Do you want to see Rick because it's best for him or for you? You need to take time to think about that before you do anything else. His life is not your personal jungle gym, to play with, abandon and come back years later, just because you are feeling nostalgic."


	6. Stack

**Disclaimer: Yeah right. I don't own Castle.**

**A/N: This was the hardest chapter to write, by far, and I only hope that I havemanaged to pull it off in a belivable manner. If not, well feel free to tell me about what a miserablefaailure I am... I have a thick skin - don't worry, whatever your reaction you won't offend me. [If anyone does review: please no spoilers.]**

There certainly had been a lot of thinking, a lot of pondering, weighing and balancing of seemingly hard choices recently. Not that she was unfamiliar with making difficult, life changing decisions: shoot the suspect, save the hostage's life? Easy choice, though in that shot a critical, valuable connection and information source had been lost. Back then everything had seemed so clear: life must always be chosen over a case, no matter how big or important that case seemed to her. She had made hard choices before; and the stress she faced now was not going to deter her from doing it again. There was no more time to ride the fence - decisions had to be made.

Agent Katherine Becket had finally realized she could have almost anything she wanted. She had enough investigative power to step on the toes of anyone she wanted, to assert jurisdiction on any case, ride roughshod over any local police department; or to make even the most powerful in Washington or elsewhere a little nervous when she showed interest. She had so much, but she didn't have a life.

In hindsight she supposed none of this should have come as a surprise. Though, when she really finally considered things it was obvious that she had not just been hiding behind her walls from others, but from herself too. The subsidence that had finally cracked her walls had truly come upon her slowly, she had managed to ignore the advice of Royce, by hiding behind the words of her latest quasi-training she had neither liked not trusted him, his advice had provided convenient cover. Her accidental meeting with Josh, though he meant nothing malicious by his words, had started a slow shifting of foundations. Will Sorenson had certainly meant something malicious with his, however true, and that had just further shaken her,especially give how tightly wound she had become within herself. The resultant cracks and chips in her walls had grown, widened over the most recent few months, were just the gradual culmination of those words, things lost and cast aside, all to submit to the pressures and needs of the all consuming job.

That was, until some of those openings had let in light from the outside, and had given her the courage try to reach through the small holes that had emerged. To reach out and try to grasp of some of those life-like opportunities she saw on the outside of her defensive fortress. To reach out for the big thing she had lost: to reach out for Rick.

In the end, all that effort at contorting herself through those small gaps has come to naught in the face of Martha's words: Agent Beckett in not welcome. Her father had further built upon that: her walls were her choice, just another way to hide in a job and away from connection. It was a harsh reality, she chose to be Agent Beckett, chose to hide away, to have no life, and to distance herself from all emotional connections. Few had ever confronted her about such choices, her hiding, running; none had done so in the last several years.

In the past her walls may have been able to weather the storm of words from two people whose opinions she had always trusted and respected, words that had crashed upon her mere days apart, leaving no time for her to rebuild before the next set were upon her. The job, and its requisite time alone had toughened her, beyond the point of stone walls, to a brittle diamond facade that had surrounded her. While stone may chip and fracture; diamond, when its brittleness finally gives way and the its structure breaks, then it shatters spectacularly.

Before she would have anything more, face her desires: she had to really be alive.  
That was the new reality: Kate was exposed to the world, free to reach out her arms and grasp at her future, unprotected, vulnerable. Free to live. Free to have a life. Free to face the consequences of everything she had done, free to acknowledge them, fix them, or simply to live with the result. Whatever the result, she could embrace the newfound freedom to face reality without an overwhelming desire to run and hide.

Kate had just finished collecting her documents from her printer, on one of her few days actually in the office, when Supervising Senior Agent Stack, now the head of the entire Attorney General's investigative task force, approached her door.

"Beckett, when you have a moment can you drop by to have a chat?"

"Absolutely Stack, I'll be with you in just a few minutes, just need to grab a few things," Kate finished up a few last tasks, tidied her desk, and placed the document in the envelope before heading out to speak with Agent Stack.

"Beckett, take a seat. We have a new agent joining us tomorrow and I was going to request that you give them the run down, show them them ropes. I have to say though, you've seemed a little off just recently. Is everything ok?"

Kate actually leaned forward at that, caught a little unawares that she was visibly showing signs in her work environment of what she had presumed had been her internal conflicts, "I'm actually fine Stack, really, just been doing lots of thinking recently."

Stack nodded, "Good, you know this job does not suffer distraction well, we have to be focused, all-in, committed. Too many lives and futures in the balance, put at risk in this job, our own included. Look, I know I'm not saying anything you couldn't tell me already, you're the youngest senior agent here by far, you could go even further if that's what you want."

Kate smiled, "That's exactly what I've been thinking about. Exactly."

Stack felt a little relief at that, they were both on the same page at least, "I think you can achieve whatever you put your mind to Beckett. Before you ever joined us here I asked you a question, and I already knew the answer then too. Where do you see yourself in five years?"


	7. Rick

**Disclaimer: Yeah right. I don't own Castle.**

**A/N: Finally! Rick makes his appearance, there will be much more of him to come... This story was originally intended to end with one more epilogue ****chapter - but that is so not going to work. I'm going expand to more chapters instead, in which case there may be a slight delay before the next part is up (Half written, so couple of days tops; the first part is complete). The reaction to this chapter could be... interesting ;-)**** [If anyone does review: please no spoilers.]**

**A/N 2: This story really needs a better summary - but I'm drawing a complete blank... Not because I don't know where its going! (I wrote the last few lines first... And the overall 'plot sketch' remains unchanged, just more wordy.)**

The next week was spent packing, shipping, packing, and shipping. All of her belongings, scarce though they were even after two and a half years in the same apartment, had been sent off to her father's place. She'd be joining them tomorrow, after her final exit interview and debriefing at the Attorney General's office.

Despite what she thought had been ambivalence during their discussion, Agent Stack had been seemed genuinely shocked when she had finally handed him the envelope containing her resignation letter. She supposed that her surprise, at Stack's shock, was one of the things that had really brought home how much she had changed so recently. Agent Stack and the woman who wanted to become, and then became, Agent Beckett had always been on the same page before: the job is life.

That career only outlook was no longer an acceptable premise to Kate, and so she was no longer on the same page as Stack; not really even reading from the same book. She wanted a life as Kate now and a career to accompany that, not just the cold comfortless embrace of the career as Agent Beckett. For too long she had put her future on hold for the job, gone all-in on it rather than than a real life.

Her exit interview at the AG's office had gone well enough, they were clearly disappointed in the departure of one of their top agents, but her simple explanation that she wanted to take her life in a different direction appeared to clear things up. Despite the vagueness of that answer, she suspected she was not the first agent to depart for such a reason.

Her return to New York was invigorating, even the cabs at LaGuardia seemed a brighter shade of yellow. She had been back for work numerous times over the years, but never had felt so free. Never felt like she was returning home until now. Each time she'd been back over the years, there had been a few moments to reconnect with Lanie, and now she embraced her as a friend once again. Even the welcome embrace they shared seemed somehow warmer that it had ever been in past. With no job, she truly needed a friend - and at that moment, sitting on Lanie's couch drinking red wine, she appreciated their connection all the more. She was gaining a new respect, or perhaps rediscovering what she had last, that friends and family were what made life worth living.

"I need to see him Lanie," Kate had finally decided to bring up the issue that had been hanging over her head, the only cloud in what she felt was a brighter sky than she'd ever lived under before.

"Girl! You sure that's a good idea? You haven't seen him in years, he's a different man now I'm sure - maybe not the guy of your dreams anymore. Is he why you quit and came back Kate?"

"No Lanie, well not just him, well I think not just him; I finally realized I wanted to live Lanie - and I want to live, and I really want Rick to be a core part of that life."

"You think he's even going to want to talk to you after you've been missing from his life for over two years? What if he doesn't want to talk?"

"Why does everyone keep trying to talk me out of seeing him Lanie? First Martha practically frogmarched me away from the loft, my dad tried to talk me out of it, and now you? Why Lanie?"

Lanie could see none of the subtlety was working, it was time of a more blunt approach,"Because Kate! Because you left an he turned into a wreck, he drank, he didn't write, he was a mess and you did it!"

Kate response to that was almost whispered, "I know Lanie. I know. I as much as ripped his heart out. My own too, I realize that now, but I have only myself to blame for that pain. He hasn't healed Lanie, even Martha told me that, he's not over the pain even now. He's go a still bleeding wound because of what I did, he's missing part of himself. I'm read to face that, face the hurt I caused. Ready to try and fix it."

"You interesting in helping him because it'll make him better, or because it'll alleviate some of this guilt you seem to be feeling? Which is it Kate?"

"Honestly Lanie? I don't know, but why can't it be both? The both of us need it."

The next morning Kate planted herself outside the entrance to Castle's building, her formerly and once again favored double pump vanilla latte in hand. The coffee brought back fresh floods of memories, and her even her sense of taste seemed heightened as she looked forward to seeing him.

She settled in to wait, no desire to surprise him at home, to put him on the defensive, back him into a corner. No, she wanted to face him where he was free to escape, free to leave if he so chose. It was three hours before she sighted him, exiting the elevator. As soon as she spotted his silhouette, the shoulders, his hair, she felt a rush, an acceleration in her heart beat, a flush of blood to her face, and a touch of lightheadedness.

She made her move towards him, speaking up, "Rick? Can we talk?"

His head tilted to the side, such a puppy would when sighting something unfamiliar or unexpected, "Kate?"

She took one more step towards him, leaving a comfortable gap between them. Comfortable for her or for him she wasn't really sure. "Yes Rick, it's me. I realize it's been a while but I really need to talk to you."

He honestly seemed confused by events, "I don't understand, what are you doing here?"

Kate hesitantly took one more step closer, she took a chance, felt a little guilty using his momentary confusion against him, "Rick, who is Michelle?"

Even now, slightly discombobulated he actually gave her the answer she was seeking, "What? Who? Michelle? She's my interior decorator."

Kate felt a moment of euphoria rush through her, the like of which she had only ever experienced with Rick. She honestly though that she was getting giddy, high on life; the whole experience was starting to feel surreal, so unexpected for her.

"I've spent over two years trying to remove your memory from the loft, it's everywhere. I can't escape you, and it hurts me Beckett." He seemed to have regained his balance now, he smiled but it was unsurprisingly cold, "Agent Beckett, I really don't think you have anything further to say that I want to hear."

"It's not Agent Beckett any more Rick, just Kate; it's just been me for a few days now. I realize I what I did, I know I hurt you, and please believe me, I am so, so, sorry." She was starting to struggle a little with those last words, not out of innate stubbornness making it hard to apologize, not this time. Sheer emotion made it difficult to force those worlds from her lips, she simply hadn't realized just how sorry she was until then.

Rick smiled weakly at her, "It's not like I haven't heard those words before Beckett. Those, and others you didn't seem to mean for very long."

Feeling things start to slip away a little, Kate stood up taller in a effort to control nervous tremors that were starting in her legs and hands. She tried to let every emotion show in her words and through her eyes, "I have regrets Rick, I do, many. Coming here today is not one of them, coming back to you is not and could never be one of them. I'm sorry I choose more career, and less life, less us. Most of all letting our relationship end because of the job? That was the biggest mistake of my life. The job sucked everything out of me - life, fun, love, joy, family, even a sense of having a home. All the things you helped me gain back after my mother's murder; everything you gave back to me, it took away. Taking that job and pushing you away was the worst mistake I ever made."

Rick had listened carefully, unsmiling, "Well, Beckett, glad I could provide you with the opportunity to get that off your chest. Finished? Ready to leave again yet?"

"No Rick, I'm not going to ever be ready to leave again, I want everything back how it should have been, before I ruined it. Please?" She had gradually crept closer as they had been talking. A tiger stalking her prey, knowing what she wanted, experiencing a wierd sense of calm serenity for the first time in months.

Smiling, flashing her teeth with an actual feeling of intense joy, she dropped to one knee and reach her trembling hands towards him, "Richard Edgar Castle, will you marry me?"


	8. Lanie

**Disclaimer: Yeah right. I don't own Castle.**

**A/N: [If anyone does review: please no spoilers.] This chapter exploded. What can I say? Entire story so far 6,631 words, this chapter 3,558 (all-in) words. What happened to me? Lots of ground to over I guess. I had the opening concept structured a while back (it was after all originally intended to be the beginning of the epilogue, which I wrote first...) - the rest just kind of happened. Sorry. I pulled this one out of my hat faster than expected, maybe I can keep it up; maybe things will slow down a little (but not too much hopefully...)**

**A/N 2: I'd also be remiss if I didn't thank K for advice and encouraging an expansion of this story, rather than the originally planned shorter, narrative epilogue.**

"You did what?" Kate was not having any difficulty discerning that her friend was disappointed with her actions that day, no difficulty at all, if only she'd do it a little more quietly, with much less pacing and arm waving. "Are you insane?"

"Lanie, please. Stop yelling at me. He called me insane too, right before he said no and left." Left her there, on one knee in the middle of his building lobby. She supposed she deserved it, but still it stung.

"Seriously Girl. Are you high?"

"What!?"

"Kate, really, have you been drinking? Taken anything? 'Cos that is the only explanation for this that would make sense right now. Have you come to your senses yet?"

"Come on Lanie, cut me a little slack; it might have been a little premature but it isn't like that's not want I want. I should have said yes years ago, I'd do it in a heartbeat today."

Lanie was staring at her, staring at her like she was one of Castle's aliens, "Girl? A little premature?"

Kate actually rolled her eyes at that, the first time Lanie had seen her do it since she got back in town, it actually made her look like... Kate, "Ok Lanie, a lot premature. It was just so good to finally see him again. Things... I... Well I just got carried away in the moment."

"You didn't get carried away Kate, you got dragged off screaming to the crazy farm! What got into you? Did you seriously expect him to say yes?"

Kate actually hesitated for a second after that question, what had gotten into her indeed? "I don't know Lanie, it was..."

"Tell me what happened Kate, all of it; but let's sit, and I think you need some wine to take the edge off."

Later, after having been told the whole story, Lanie was laughing at her, not with her, but guffawing in her face. The two bottles of wine consumed between them were probably helping make greater humor from the situation that was truly present.

"You were high! High on love! Flushed, heart rate, tremors, you were high on endorphins and adrenalin! Just seeing him again made your heart go pitter patter. You make me sick!" Lanie was back to laughing now, but a more choked up snorting kind of giggle, she was clearly very amused by the whole mess.

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Richard Castle was sat in his office with a very large, stiff drink in is hand. He'd already checked the back of his neck, just need to verify he hadn't been replace be some kind of pod person; or maybe was under the control of some weird mind-worm.

He'd checked his scotch to make sure he hadn't accidentally switched it with a bottle of Mezcal, with extra worm even; or Absinthe but he was pretty sure he'd have noticed the color on that. When that wasn't the case he'd thought better and just dumped out the rest. Now he felt a little more comfortable; clean glass, and he'd opened a freshly sealed bottle.

Seriously? Was Tyson back? Had he been drugged? Maybe there was some kind of invisible hallucinogenic gas being pumped into his loft? Any of that would actually make more sense to him that what had just happened.

The plan was to run out and grab some lunch before coming back to stare at his blank laptop screen for another few hours. He'd had writers block for a few weeks now, ever since Eduardo had told him Agent Beckett had flashed her badge at him to get access to the building while he was out. Maybe it wasn't Tyson at all, maybe she drugged his scotch? Why would she want to do that? Why would she show up at the building at all, and then simply vanish back off into the ether like she did years ago?

Then today, there she was, Kate, Beckett, Agent Katherine Beckett - in his building lobby. It seriously seemed as if his life had taken a radical right turn into bad B-moviedom. Just a completely unbelievable satire mixed with an overdose of the surreal, he really didn't know what to make of anything. He felt like he should call his mother, she'd fit right in with this; no, too risky, she might have him locked up in a psych ward.

Maybe it was all a delusion, he hadn't been sleeping well, could never sleep well when the words weren't flowing; and they hadn't really flowed freely in years. Just little squirts and dribbles, just enough to keep Gina off his back, enough to fulfill his Nikki Heat contract last year. Beckett had looked so real though, but then don't all delusions look real to those suffering from them? If delusions were easy to distinguish from reality then psychotic breaks wouldn't be such a big deal, it'd just be like watching a movie in your head instead of a life destroying experience. That was the problem, even the delusion of Agent Beckett probably did have the potential to destroy what little life he had held onto.

Maybe he needed to see a shrink? So hard to get an emergency appointment though, but he was feeling blue and did have Dr. Walker on retainer. He'd have a long conversation with him tonight, and see whether everything still looked so bizarre in the morning.

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"Rise and shine Kate, coffee's ready, and I have to go; we aren't all unemployed and allowed sleep in."

Kate roused herself, pour a cup of coffee and sat back down on the couch where she'd spent much of last night contemplating things with Lanie, "Morning."

"What are you going to do Kate? You have no job, no place to stay, and certainly no Castle. I'm not trying to pressure you, but you'll get antsy soon with nothing to do. What are your plans? You're welcome to stay with me until you get settled, but I can't help with the other two things."

Kate kicked up her feet onto Lanie's coffee table, and sat back; might as well be relaxed, she had no place to be right now. "Thanks Lanie, you're a great friend. Ha! You're my only friend right now." She sat for a moment sipping her coffee, trying to feel alive; since yesterday it seems like the edge had come off her senses a little.

"I'm going to call Captain Gates, see if I can get back on the force."

Lanie blinked, "You've been gone two and a half years Kate, I don't think you can just walk back in. Why do you want to any way? You just gave up that life."

"No Lanie, I just gave up having no life; I can be a cop and have a life, I've done it before. More than that though, I miss it. At the AG's office it wasn't about being a voice for a victim, and providing closure for families. I miss that. Sure I became a cop to solve my mothers case, but that consumed me, I needed therapy to get over that, well before Castle brought it back up."

Lanie perked up a little at his name coming from Beckett's lips again, "You blame Castle for bringing up your mother case?"

"No Lanie, without him I'd never have known about or gotten to Bracken. I just meant I stayed a cop even after therapy to cope with my mothers case, but I stayed a cop because I enjoyed it. I made a difference in people's lives, and I want to do that again. Plus, I was good at it, and it's compatible with actually having a life, so that doesn't hurt."

Lanie was watching closely, and saw a small smile as those last word were spoke, "And it brought you and Castle together too? That not a factor? I hope you're aren't planning on trying to lure him back with case work?"

"No! If he's interested, well he's interested; but no, I want to do this, I want to do this for me."

Lanie was hesitant to stick with the topic de jour, given how things had gone the last time Kate had faced it, but it had to be done, "What about Castle? You realize he hasn't been a monk right? He's had dates, I've seen him on Page 6 occasionally, not that I read the gossip pages you understand; he might have a girlfriend for all I know."

Kate perked up a little at the fresh topic, "No, Michelle is his interior decorator..."

"Kate, seriously! It is possible to have an interior decorator and a girlfriend you know."

"Lanie, I... I don't... I.."

"You hadn't thought about that had you Kate? What if he's in a relationship?"

"Then I'll wait it out Lanie, he did for me, I can be patient and wait for an opportunity."

Lanie distinctly arched her eyebrows at that, Kate could hardly miss it, "You Kate? Patient? You and patient are not two words I usually associate. When you want something, you want it now."

Kate sat up on the sofa then, straightening her back, trying to exude a little authority, the pajamas made it a little harder though, "That's not fair Lanie, I've been patient in the past!"

"Seriously? I'm not trying to be critical here girlfriend. Just making sure your eyes are wide open. Patience with others is not your strong suit."

As Lanie finally headed out to work, she turned to look at Kate one last time, "Ask yourself seriously Kate, are you really willing to wait for him? No matter how long it takes?"

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Well, Rick supposed he'd never know if things still looked bizarre the next morning, since he didn't drag himself out of bed until mid-afternoon. No trouble sleeping after downing far too much of the Johnny Walker Blue that he'd cracked open the night before. Not good sleep, but sleep nonetheless. Well unconsciousness at least.

His head still a little fuzzy from his alcohol induced stupor, he sat and puzzled, was she actually there? In all likelihood it did appear that she really had been present rather than dreamed, as unlikely as that seemed when considered as an abstract plot concept.

Her apology appeared heartfelt too, but he'd seen heartfelt, short-meant apologies from her before. Apology aside, he hadn't seen or heard from her in over two years. After she had turned down his proposal he hadn't tried to reach her, didn't feel he owed it, didn't think she'd appreciate it even if he tried. He'd put all his cards on the table, if she had wanted to talk, to communicate, she had his number, she could have called him. She never did. Never heard from or saw from her again until yesterday.

Her proposal was insane and he'd told her so; absurd in those circumstances, it would have been absurd if she'd be been gone only three months. After two years of no contact it actually felt insulting, like he was just expected to brush everything aside and jump back into her arms as soon as she showed the vaguest interest. He deserved better than that - at least he hoped he did.

After his reaction to her appearance, he doubted she'd be back. He really didn't think she'd handle the rejection well, he didn't handle rejection well and he had a whole lot more experience of it that she did. If yet another bizarro-land meeting were to occur, well she'd better get ready for rejection again, because he wasn't planning on talking to her, or even acknowledging her, for a long long time, if ever. Just the though of her voice made his heart clench and his chest burn; he knew he'd never really gotten over her, and now it'd be even harder.

He doubted she'd have the patience to wait that out, she'd never been much for showing him patience before.

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Beckett exited the elevator at the 12th with a little trepidation, everything was so familiar and yet so strange. Ryan and Esposito were not at their desks, as far a she knew they were still working homocide at the precinct. She had not done a good job keeping in touch, but she hadn't completely ignored their occasional texts over the years. They had been professionally proud of her when she'd take the job at the AG's office, with the customary cop dissatisfaction that occurs a team member leaves for a higher profile position. Personally they had been more irritated, since she'd given them no indications that anything was going on before accepting the DC position. Professionally they acknowledged that she owed them no such notice, but as friends they had been put off by the whole process.

She headed over to Captain Gates' office, the reason she was here. "Captain Gates?"

"Kate, call me Vicki - you don't work for me anymore; you moved on up." She had stood to offer her hand, and then signaled Kate to sit.

"That's what I'm here about Captain, I want to to be working for you again. I left the AG's group, it wasn't for me anymore. I want to be part of NYPD again. I need your advice on how to proceed."

"Well Beckett, I'm sure there's a story there that you'll be willing to share at another time? I thought you'd be successful in the AG role. Rejoining the NYPD is not a trivial thing you realize? You've been gone over a year, so even granted your leaving was authorized and supported; well the normal reinstatement window has expired. You'd have to reapply from scratch and start over, full 6-month Academy stint too. You really want to do that?"

Beckett has assumed it wouldn't be easy, but the though of going back through the full academy and entering as a rookie patrol office was distinctly unappealing. "Sir, is there no kind of exemption or waiver I can apply for? It's not like I sitting letting my skills rust."

Gates hesitated a moment, pursed her lips, "Not really, if you had been employed by another state law enforcement agency then the time could carry over; you'd be able to apply and simply complete the 4 week course. You'd still only come back as a probationary junior detective - that would be the best possible outcome. But that waiver wouldn't seem to apply, you haven't been in the employ of any state agency."

Beckett considered her options for a moment before responding carefully, "But captain, I was employed by all the states, by the Federal government, in DC; surely that has to count for something?"

Gates actually laughed a little at that, she knew what Beckett was trying to do: rationalize a way back in, "Beckett, if you can convince someone at 1PP of that then it might fly, good luck with that. You'll need some mighty big strings pulled for you."

Leaning back in her chair, "What I can say, if you pull this off and get yourself reinstated, I'd welcome you back at the 12th. You were an excellent investigator. All that said, homocide is fully staffed, even for junior detective. I could find you a spot, but it wouldn't be your choice, and it wouldn't be optional, but a take it or leave it deal. You'd advance fast, you know that, you are too competent not to; but you'd start low on the totem pole."

Prospective probationary junior detective Beckett stood at what appears to be the end of the conversation, "Thank you sir, I appreciate the advice."

As she exited the precinct, she scrolled through the contacts looking for one number she knew was still on her phone, one person who probably had pull to make what she needed happen. She'd left on good terms, the office certainly didn't owe her any favors, but maybe they'd help an alumnus out. She pressed call, "This is Katherine Beckett, I need to speak to the Attorney General."

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Captain Gates had been true to her word, after running through the four week reinstatement course at the Academy, she was back in, at least as a probationary junior grade detective. Hardly the best possible outcome, but far from the worst. She had been assigned to the 12th precinct, also as promised.

There had apparently been a bit of competition to win her services when she graduated the academy. She might not have seniority anymore, but she still had a reputation. She was still hot too, and apparently someone in Vice had a favor owed. Vice. Bait. Ugh. She'd pulled the biggest string she could think of, just to become Vice bait. Not the corner based streetwalker stings at least, more complex cases than that, taking down rings and such. Bait was bait though, but she'd put up with it for now; because the goal of returning to homocide was worth it.

She had given a little laugh to herself when they let her chose her own street name. The choice was obvious: Nikki. It wasn't a stripper name anymore, now it was a hooker name. She was sure Castle would tease her unmercifully once he found out, or once he found out and was actually talking to her.

Kate, not Detective Beckett, had been leaving Rick messages for months, ever since returning to the city. The occasional text, or email, but mostly she tried to leave short simple voice mails, once or twice a week. He never answered, but he clearly hadn't blocked her number. The bright side? He hadn't filed a restating order either, and that made Kate laugh at her self. She was practically stalking him after all, though she supposed if she stayed physically away from him... not a imminent threat and maybe even Judge Markaway wouldn't give even Rick a restraining order for that.

She was determined to give him space, determined to prove to herself, him and even Lanie that she could be patient, she could wait. That more than anything she wanted to wait for him to be ready.

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Her phone was ringing, waking her. Glancing over at the caller ID which indicated simply 'Rick' she felt suddenly that the last six months had been worth every moment, just because it kept her in New York, and gave her time time to consistently reach out. Worth it even if he was waking her at 4am after a late shift.

Pressing connect, she answered simply, "Hi Rick."

"Why do you keep calling me Beckett?"

She knew what she wanted to say, she wanted to see him, perhaps be allowed to touch him; but that was probably still premature, so she tried humor, "I don't call you Beckett, I call you Rick." Silence. That apparently fell a little flat, not the right time yet.

"I just wanted to hear your voice Rick, to make things right between us." She was met by silence in response to that too, not questioning silence, not dark silence, just silence and breathing.

"If I call you again will you answer Rick? Will you let me in a little?"

A pause, which made her heart beat a little harder, then relief, "I... Yes... I will. Good night Beckett."

She ended the call as she meant to go on, "Until tomorrow Rick."


	9. Demming

**Disclaimer: Yeah right. I don't own Castle.**

**A/N: [If anyone does review: please no spoilers.] The will be case mentioned in these snippets, can't really work this story without them; but this is not a case fic, the details are irrelevant to the story so I'm going to gloss over them. There will also be a call out though, to one of my favorite stories ;-) If you are just finding this story now, please take the time to read from the beginning - I cannot imagine how the premise will make sense order out of...**

**A/N 2: This one feels a little clunky, apologies in advance; a little too twisted in upon itself like some sort of hyper-chapter, to wrapped up in itself to make sense? Maybe?**

When things went wrong for Kate they went very, very wrong; some things through fault or causes of her own, some through fault or efforts of others. Sometimes she hated her life, even the real breathing one she had now.

Then sometimes she loved it though. There were days when everything went right, such as the day after Rick returned her call for the first time, that was one of the days to truly love. She hadn't felt so happy in a long time, maybe ever; well, no, she knew that wasn't true, but those happier peaks generally involved being naked with Rick and she doubted that was likely to happen any time soon. So she'd take this cuurent happiness, embrace it and run with it.

The day was made even better when Captain Gates called her into her office and informed her she'd be moving to the narcotics squad the following week, permanently. Narcotics wasn't homocide, but it was closer. It didn't involved wearing a belt that was supposed to pass as a skirt, and that was a big plus in her book.

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Weeks and month passed, Beckett worked her way into the new squad, built rapport, gained credibility in the particular case work specific to narcotics. It was a squad she'd never been involved in before, and she found the newness of everything intriguing.

Kate's rebuilding of her friendship with Rick was slow at first, but it exposed a shiny newness between them too. She stuck with her promise to herself; everyday she reached out, a phone call, a joke text, occasionally a forwarded gag video. She was biding her time, there was no need to push things faster than he was willing to go. He had built walls between them over the years she had been gone, and she was more than willing to take her turn scratching way at them.

Eventually things progresses beyond simply electronic communication, to occasional meetings at coffee shops in the morning or when she had a long break. She was clear, these weren't dates; she just wanted to there for him, to rebuild a friendship that had disintegrated. He heart beat a little faster at that, she absolutely knew she was lying to herself, she wanted far more than friendship; but she wanted him to think of her as a friend first, wanted him to trust her again.

She even asked about his dates, trying to be supportive despite the jealousy it invoked in her. He asked about hers in return, but she had none; simply had no interest in dating, not even for drinks or dinner.

When she asked about anyone serious it ended up setting them back, he had told her simply: No. Nobody serious, there was no point in serious for him. He explained bitterly, everyone he'd ever been serious about had dumped him, either to go find themselves or to advance their careers. He had relegated his dating life not to finding temporary company, without the hope of anything serious or lasting. It was hardly a subtle dig, but she'd apologized already, and had no interest in dragging the topic up again; he was talking to her now, and so she thought leaving the comment unaddressed would probably be best. Instead, that had ended that particular conversation, he'd left the little coffee shop where they'd met, and ignored the phone calls and messages for the next week. On the one hand the conversation, and the cold follow up hurt; on the other hand she welcomed it for what she had discovered: he had nobody serious in his life.

Slowly things got going again, the hard work resumed, progress and a little warmth returned. Slow was good; slow was forward, careful progress.

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"Beckett, we got a case. Let's go." Detective Jones, her partner of more than five months now, grabbed his weapon and jacket, gesturing Beckett to precede him into the elevator.

They both leaned against the back wall as she asked, "What's the run down?"

"Robbery primarily, upper east side apartment, armed robbery, was called in by a neighbor. Owner of the apartment was found unconscious, not our problem normally, but the robbery team on site found two kilos of coke on the coffee table. I kid you not."

"Who's lead on the case Jones?"

"Dunno, just got the call; robbery is lead, we'll get the details later."

It got even more farcical after that, when they interviewed the apartment owner he tried to deny the drugs were his, claimed they were planted. Not by the cops though, no he was being burgled before the robbers actually showed up, held at gun point by three individuals, short so he guessed women, though he was distracted by the cat masks and tails they were wearing. They were there apparently to steal the art work, a couple of Matisse etchings, and a Picasso; they also stole his pet ferret which seemed to irritate him all the more. Just as they were about to leave, tying him to an antique chair; that's when the second crew of robbers kicked in his door.

It was an absurd story, completely unbelievable; but the guy just stuck with it, would not be shaken. She had to call Castle. He had to hear this. After clearing it with Jones and briefly with Gates, she called Castle to meet them at the precinct, where they'd head after checking out the crime scene. He was going to love this, she was sure of it.

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Castle had hesitated when he'd heard Beckett's request: come work this case with me. Sure, not exactly her words, but for once the between the lines subtext was pretty clear. Well he thought so, but then he'd gotten the wrong impression before.

While the last several months had generally been good, except when she brought up the serious relationship question, he was still extremely nervous about how long things would last. How long she'd stay this time, stay in New York, or even stay his friend.

He arrived at the precinct promptly, likely beating Becket back, and headed up to the second floor narcotics bullpen, but was told she'd be on the third floor since it was actually a robbery led case. He perched on a random, but unoccupied desk on that floor to wait, looking around at unfamiliar surroundings; observing, noting, creating stories to explain anomalies where he saw them

"Richard Castle! What are you doing here? Long time since I've seen you around." Detective Tom Demming, or Schlemming as Castle preferred to think of him; well he was now stood right in front of him. All Schlemmingy. Castle couldn't help but just stare, observing his sheer Schlemmingness. It was actually kind of awesome.

"Hey Rick? Focus for a minute, you zoning out on me? Why you here? You heard Beckett's back too? I only just found out, we're actually working this case together, my lead actually."

That made Castle blink, "You are lead on her case?" Why would she ask him to come in on a case with her ex? Was this some kind of death match plan? Put two of her former boyfriends in the bull pen, may the best man win? What was she up to?

"Castle, I gotta ask. I know you two were involved, I mean everyone knows you were. That still going on? I mean I got dumped by her for another guy a few years back, she ended up hooking up with that doctor right? It was great fun while it lasted though; wondered if there's anything going on between you now. Just trying to be up front with you, like last time, not ruffle any feathers."

Yeah, Castle remember the last time, when she'd chosen working with Demming over him, building theory with him instead, chosen to go away with him for the weekend, then dumped Demming for Josh some time over the summer. Yeah, he remembered that bitterly, and now it seems she's decided to rub it in his face all over again.

"So? Castle? Hey!"

"Sorry, distracted, no there's nothing going on between us, we spent too long apart, we're just friends. It's just like last time, no flag on the play Tom; but thanks for being straight with me, I needed that." Castle shook his head, stood, "Look, if you see Beckett tell her I had somewhere else I needed to be."

Castle was frustrated, he didn't understand what was going on, he'd thought they were rebuilding a friendship at least, why would she do this to a friend? Just then, the elevator doors opened, and there she stood. Kate.

"Rick, sorry, Castle at the precinct ok? So happy you made it, you are going to love this case," with that she grabbed hold of his arm and towed him back over to the white board.

There had actually been nanny cam footage at the scene to back up parts of the story; a crazy story it may be, but the facts were actually starting to back it up, "Cat burglars Castle! Dressed in cat costumes. This is right up your alley."

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Kate thought Rick has been a little cold the rest of the day, but perhaps it was just the unfamiliarity with the turf, he'd not worked a case of any sort that she knew of in years, the other detectives were unknown to him. That one of them was Detective Demming, an unfortunate reminder of a distant past for her too, well that probably didn't help much either.

Most of all she thought he was probably stressed by working a case with her, this was the most time they has spent in close proximity for years, she wasn't really surprised that would throw him a little off his normally charming game of wild theories and speculation.

They had wrapped up what little they had for the night, Castle excusing himself a little earlier for his weekly dinner with Alexis; promising to be back in the morning with coffee and donuts.

After he left, and a few other details had been put to bed for the night, Demming turned to face Beckett, "So Kate, you want to go grab a drink? Unwind?"

Beckett turned to face him at that, asking incredulously, "You serious Detective Demming?"

He tried to flash a charming smile, but her tone was a little disconcerting, "Yeah, why not? You're not seeing anyone right? You aren't involved with Castle, I asked him, he said you were just friends. It's funny, he told me the same thing as last time, no flag on the play."

Kate took a short step closer after that, and spit out at him, "You talked to Rick about this harebrained idea? Let me be perfectly clear, you want a relationship with me, then talk to me. Not that it is ever going to happen! There is a damn flag on the play as far as I'm concerned. I'm working hard here, trying to rebuild something with him, and it's hard and slow work; you mess with that and a pass interference flag will be the least of your worries. Got it!?"

Stepping back to ensure a safe zone from her anger, he raised his hands slight, taking on a placating tone, "Whoa! I was just asking you out for a drink, no harm meant. You're really that serious about him?"

She actually smiled at that, really smiled, "You have no idea."

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It wasn't until later that night, sat on her couch in her sparse apartment that she made the connection. Demming spoke to him, he was more distant after that. What did Demming actually tell him? It didn't matter, she'd deal with it whatever had passed between them.

Her first thought was to head over to the loft, but she hesitated. She hasn't been in the building since the proposal incident, and she had no desire to raise that issue yet, in case it upset the careful progress she was trying to maintain. There would always be a chance that she'd run into Martha, and she hadn't faced her since the frogmarched exit scene. Didn't even know if Castle had told Martha they were talking again, probably he had, he didn't really keep secrets for her. That didn't mean she'd be happy to see Kate at the loft though.

She sipped her wine again, weighing and balancing. She'd talk to him tomorrow.

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The next morning Beckett was already sat with Jones and the robbery team, at her temporarily commandeered desk on the third floor. The had all been running leads, chemical traces on the drugs, costume shops for recent tail sales, and nothing was panning out. When the elevator dinged and Castle arrived with donuts and coffee everyone clustered around him grabbing at the sprinkled and raspberry filled favorites. He handed out the coffee individually, and Beckett grasped hers in both hands, taking a first life saving sip. It was plain black coffee.

Beckett blinked, sniffed, doubled checked. Yes it was, it was plain black coffee, but the cup definitely had her name written on it. No mistake. This was so not good.

She stood abruptly, "Castle, I need to talk to you." She walked, stiff backed glancing over her shoulder to ensure he was following along, and led him to a secluded corner by the stairway.

She dragged him into the corner, perhaps a little closer than strictly necessary, "Rick, what's going on? You withdrew a bit yesterday, I could feel it; almost like when you found out about... anyway, what happened? Was it something Tom said?"

Castle squinted at her, "Tom? Tom is it? Why did you call me in for this when he was here? Last time up we all worked together you spent all your time building theory with him, not me. Why? Did you just want to let me know that you were seeing someone and didn't want to tell me to my face, just let me find out by accident like so many other times? I just don't get it Beckett!"

Demming. Not Tom. Demming. Demming. Demming. She still hadn't established what he had said, but whatever it was had clearly brought back memories, memories probably of things that weren't actually true, "Rick! I didn't know. Honestly, trust me please, I didn't know he was involved until after I got back here and you were about to leave. My calling you had everything to do with this case, nothing to do with Demming."

Rick paused, seemed to actually relax a little, "You really didn't know?"

"Honestly Rick, I didn't know. If I had, well you'd have still loved the case, but no, I wouldn't have put you two the same room. That's clearly not all though is it? Something more than just him being here is bothering you. What did he say to you?"

Rick slumped back a little, leaning on the wall behind him, "He just brought up the last time, how you chose him over me, he was your boyfriend, I get that. Still I hoped you'd go with me, that's you'd prefer to go to the Hamptons with me than spend the weekend with me. You picked him, and then dropped him for Josh; I came second behind the guy that lost you."

"Rick listen to me, I didn't choose him over you. I broke up with him before you left, I was going to go with you Rick, to the Hamptons, to give us a chance of a relationship."

He whispered in a slightly confused and shocked tone, "What?"

Leaning towards his slumped form a little she spoke softly, "I admit I picked the job over you, and that was a mistake I've apologize for. But Rick I never picked Tom over you, it was so long ago, but when I faced that choice Rick, you won."

"What happened Kate? Why didn't you tell me?"

Smiling wanly, she continued, "Just a missed opportunity Rick, I was going to tell you right when Gina made her appearance and dragged you off. I don't blame you, I did at the time, I was angry, but it was mostly my fault. I shouldn't have expected you to wait around for me to change my mind."

He actually seemed to inflate a little at that, expand with some sort of sense of relief, "So if not for my ex getting in the way, we'd have been together earlier? Why do exs always have to get in the way and ruin everything."

They both stopped and stared at each other then, before both speaking at one, "I know who did it!"

Castle kept going, talking over Beckett for a change, "It's the ex, the ex-wife, her involvement makes everything fall into place!"

"Yeah, there is no way two different groups burglarized that apartment and left thousand of dollars of coke out in the open."

They both spoke simultaneously, "Unless is wasn't about the money."

"It was all a misdirect Castle, the drugs, even the etchings, they were all to distract."

"Kate, she wanted the ferret!"

"Sure, why not? People have done worse for dogs they've lost in divorces before."

"The poor little critter is probably at a vet in some kind of weird ferret kennel until the heat all blows over."

Kate grinned at him, "We build the best theory together!" Then she dropped her Beckett face back into place, before hitching her head in the direction of the bullpen, "Shall we?"

They both headed back to the bull-pen, where Beckett spoke up, "Detective Demming. It's a frame up, everything just meant to appear like he was drug dealer who'd been robbed. It was just an interfering ex trying to get back her what they had in the past, and to ruin everything else."

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There was a lot of work to do in order to prove their theory, financials to be run down, and a ferret to trace. After a couple of days of digging though, the case had finally been wrapped up. By way of modest celebration, the robbery and narcotics teams gathered for a congratulatory slice of pizza, all provided by Castle naturally. After eating, Demming stepped forward, hand outstretched, "We'd all like to thank you Castle, for your valuable assistance. It's been along time since you've helped the twelfth precinct, and we hope it won't be the last."

The other detectives his hand with a quick world of thanks, some muttered, some actually meant. Castle firmly shook every hand offered, he'd actually enjoyed being back, enjoyed being involved in saving a case, and more than anything enjoyed the stories and secrets he'd discovered.

When Castle reached Beckett he stuck out his hand once again, "Until tomorrow Kate." He did not withdraw his hand so quickly from her's as he had from the other detectives, and when he did his finger tips drifted slowly across her palm and along her digits until no further touch remained. He didn't break eye contact with her until a moment after that, leaving both thier fingers and eyes missing the connection that had been shared.

Wow, her hands were tingling after that, and judging from a twinkle in Rick's eye so were his. Things were moving forward alright, maybe not so slow after all.

She stepped closer as he stepped back towards the elevator, whispering, "Rick? You want to go grab a drink? We could debrief each other over the case."


	10. Espo

**Disclaimer: I would walk 500 miles.. Oops, Disclaimer, not Proclaimers. Yeah right. I don't own Castle.**

**A/N: [If anyone does review: please no spoilers.] This is a short chapter (it was shorter when I wrote this note!), not just filler though, has an important (to me) punch line... Heads up to the few remaining readers of this story (I appreciate all of you!): there should be 4 more chapters after this one.**

The debriefing had turned into a night of drinks at The Old Haunt, just laughing and relaxing together in a way they hadn't done in years. Their coffee get togethers were no substitute for this kind of togetherness, they both realized things had been strained, but only in the relaxed environment of the bar did it become clear how strained even the most minor of their recent conversations had been. Such a simple thing, that handshake, could make all the difference; they cut a deal that night with no small part of laughter involved, no handshakes like that for anyone else. They shook on it, and laughed again into their shot glasses.

No conquests were made, nothing either of them could regret later by rushing now. That's what Kate told herself the next morning at least; at this point she was beyond ready for some conquering, either by her or of her - she wasn't picky. Again though, Rick seemed hesitant in that regard, failing to even do more than kiss her on the cheek at the end of the night. Still, that was the first kiss of any sort they'd shared in years, and she embraced it, memorized it, and looked forward to more.

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The following few weeks flowed by, and it seemed to Kate that for every step forward in her personal life there was also a step forward in her professional one too. Two weeks after the the cat burglar case, Gates once again called her: there was a junior spot available in homocide. Not with her old team. Did she want it? Did she want it?! Of course she wanted it. She was assigned, with a start date the following week.

She was back. Well, half her goals were met at least; unfortunately, she understood now that the professional ones were the lesser half.

Things with Rick had moved forward, but Kate had to admit it was not quite as fast as she'd hoped. For all she'd been patient, taken things slow, after the that first handshake she'd been hoping for a bit more vigorous movement on his part.

They'd progressed though, no longer just meeting for coffee in small cafe's, but dinner, drinks, and a movie occasionally. To Kate this was edging toward dating, but she couldn't quite convince herself that Rick thought so too. After all, well back before they were together, they had done all those things - while she was in a relationship with Josh. She didn't want to think of herself as a cheater, and if she wasn't then all these recent nights with Rick were just friendly company, not dates. She certainly didn't shake Ricks's hand back then with the lingering touch they now shared, but frankly that was more intimate that the few kissed cheeks they'd shared. Friends who shook hands, was that what they were now?

A month after the first handshake and kiss on the cheek, all she had was more of the same. She was torn, she wanted more, ached for a hug even; but she had made herself promise that she'd be patient. She worried though, that her promise to herself was starting to fray around the edges, her ability to remain patient starting to slip away. Wondered what his reaction would be if she pushed.

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Castle honestly didn't know what has gotten into him with that handshake, he'd practically groped her in front of her team and Demming, at least that's what it felt like to him. Didn't seem like anyone else notice much out of place, but they were too busy patting each other on the back.

Kate had definitely noticed though, with her offer for a debriefing. It was too much though, too much too soon, he'd gotten carried away in the moment. There was no way he way ready to move further yet. He'd been too elated by learning that she'd wanted to go with him to the Hamptons, that she'd picked him over another man. He won a contest in her heart perhaps, thou he lost the last contest in her brain: when faced with an choice between him and a job, she'd chosen the job.

From what he'd learnt about her job from their conversations it really was life consuming, she rally did have no time for him, no time for more in a relationship. I that regard he supposed, at lest she as honest in turning down his unconditional proposal - unconditional so long as more was in the tabes from both of them.

Almost the first thing she did she back in the city as start the process of getting her job back, re-establishing herself in another career she had once buried herself in before.

Would the job come between them again? He wasn't sure, and he couldn't push forward while he was confused, a handshake was all he could offer right now. He was willing to be patient, give himself time for everything to process.

While he let his thoughts continue to percolate, he headed back to his office, cracked open his laptop and continued where he had left off.

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Monday had come, it was time for her first meeting with Detective Irons, the senior investigator for her new team. It did not get off to a auspicious beginning.

"Beckett. Here's the deal, I know your reputation, I know your close rate from when you were here before. Let's be real clear though, this is my team, you answer to me first. Got it?"

Beckett had expected a bit of a speech, a bit of territorial marking, but that went a little further than she'd expected, "Sure Irons, I get it. I do have some valuable things to offer occasionally though, you willing to listen?"

Irons cracked a smile at her, "Look, maybe that was a bit over the top, bottom line I want to close cases. Find killers. You help me get the close rate up anywhere near where yours was before you dumped all us cops for the Feds and we'll be getting along great in no time."

She slowly broke into a smile, a thoughtful smile. She could potentially kill two birds with one stone here; her team had been responsible for that high close rate, not just her. One member of that team was actually still available. She'd only been seeing him one or twice a week for their quasi-dates, and well she thought now that a little bit more time together might just be the push needed to speed things up again.

"I think I can help you there Irons. Not just me though. You ever meet Castle?"

A deal was cut, she'd be the one to invite him back this time; he wouldn't need a favor from the mayor. Gates was surprisingly easy to convince, together Beckett and Irons made the pitch, basically playing the close rate card yet again. Now she just had to live up to it, and hope that Castle would actually provide the help, and time she so desired.

When she headed back to her desk, she had a visitor waiting. Esposito was perched on the edge, where Castle's chair would have been if it was her old desk, in her old spot. She'd spoke to Espo and Ryan a few times since being back, but things were still a little personally strained between them.

"Hi Espo, you want to talk?"

"Yeah Beckett. I want to talk. I want to know why."

"Why I left?"

"No Beckett, I get that. Why you said nothing, just sprung it on us." His voice was a little strained, clearly holding some anger inside, "I felt betrayed Beckett. I backed you without question whenever you needed. I put my neck and my badge on the line for you when we went after Maddox. I thought we were more than just professional colleagues, I though we were family."

"You did Espo, I appreciated that.."

"Then why Beckett? You wanted the job, ok, I get that; but not even a heads up? You couldn't even have given me, couldn't even have given Ryan and me a bit of a hint? You barely even said goodbye Beckett."

"Look Espo, I admit I didn't handle it as well as I could, we were, I hope we can be again, more than just work colleagues. You were always loyal beyond the call Espo, and I'm sorry for everything. I've been back a year now though, why didn't you bring it up before?"

He shrugged, "Because until now, I didn't have to face you everyday across the bull-pen, I could just bury it."

Finally putting out her hand towards him, "Can we move on? Let bygones be bygones? Try and start over, be friends?"

He hesitantly shook her hand, and despite that hesitancy it immediately made her feel better, they'd be fine eventually, "Sure, we can give it another go; you know we missed you right? Me and Kev, we really missed you Kate."

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Kate finally decided to make the call to Castle mid-morning the next day, after running scenario after scenario through her head on how precisely to tempt him back.

Unfortunately she got voicemail, "Hey Castle. Call me when you get a minute." She knew he'd pick up on the Castle clue, know the call was work related.

He called back half an hour later, "Detective Beckett, to what do I owe this honor?"

After all her carefully thought, blunt was probably the safest way, less chance of a slip up, "You want back in at the precinct Castle? Want to work some cases?"

His tone perked up markedly at that, "Really? Seriously? Do you have bloody one already?"

"Castle, I only just started back in homocide. Yesterday actually, haven't even been issued my new ID. No cases yet."

He spoke softly now, "Kate, you have no cases, you don't need my crazy theories right now. You don't need me to do the job, but you called me to come in anyway?"

"Yes I did Rick. It was the first thing I did, to start the ball rolling on getting you back here. You help. You make everything about this job more fun. More than any of that, I want you here with me." She winced a little with that last comment, maybe she slipped there, letting that last part out too early.

"Detective Beckett, I look forward to working with you again." He paused then, "Kate, I'll be there for you." Or, she thought, maybe not.

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Cases has been flowing, justice served, victims given voices; things where looking to Kate more and more like they should have been all along.

One night Castle left early, saying he had a meeting, rather than staying to provide the comic relied that eased the strains of the job. All the detectives in the bull-pen were finishing up paperwork, different teams racing to be done, tomorrow morning's donut order on the line. Or at least the right to get to the donuts first, since Castle would likely be the supplier.

Beckett had finished up her work load before dropping it on Detective Irons' desk for his final signature. She was done, but she honestly didn't want to leave the bull-pen. Stay, or head home alone to an empty apartment - those were her choices. She stayed, ready and willing to wait for the rest of her work family to be done, and perhaps all head out to "grab a drink together.

"Yo Beckett! What you doing?" Esposito yelled and threw a ball of paper at her.

"I'm done Espo, I'm going to wait for all you slow guys, maybe we can grab a drink after?" She dug through her purse to pull out the book she carried everywhere recently: 'Missing Heat', and flipped to her book mark.

"That the last one Beckett? The series is over right?"

"Yeah, this is it, don't give it away, I haven't finished it yet."

"Seriously Beckett? Like I've read it."

She glared across the bull-pen at him for that, "Well then, leave me alone to read, and finish your paper work. Seriously, you guys want to grab a drink after? Castle's busy tonight or I'd already be gone."

"Sure," He stood and cross the bull-pen to lean over her desk, "You asking him to help to give his input on cases, what's that about Beckett?"

Espo laughed a little, but spoke softly to her, "You hoping he'll write another book about you?"

She punched him in the arm for that, "It's about wanting to spend as much time with him as I can. That, and he's actually helpful. Espo, believe me, it's not about the books anymore."


	11. Vaughn

**Disclaimer: Yeah right. I don't own Castle.**

**A/N: Sometimes I get carried away. [If anyone does review: please no spoilers.] Just as an aside, unlike Hunt and Vaughn, both of who attempted to make moves of varying levels of aggressiveness on a woman a obviously emotionally attached to someone else... Well, not all British guys (or supposed characters) are actually predatory slime bags. Trust me on that, or call my bluff - maybe I'm the only one.**

**A/N 2: Still don't get how this story can have more readers for Chapter 10 than 9 (for example) - does it actually make sense if chapters are skipped? Doesn't me and I wrote it ;-)**

Kate and Lanie had this girls night planned for a week. It was going to be a little celebration of Kate making it back to the homocide floor, no matter that she was starting out a junior detective. She had high hopes.

They had nothing fancy planned, certainly no clubbing. Lanie had initially suggested that as an idea, lots of alcohol, tiny dresses, and a little dancing; but Kate had killed that idea quickly, she had no particular interest in fending off crowds of drunken guys. No, instead it was going to be a night on the sofa with some wine, maybe some tequila if things needed a bit of livening up, a couple of movies and then with a bit of luck passing out and no hangover. Kate wasn't so optimistic about the last part.

The was a knock at the door, but Lanie wasn't supposed to be here for another half hour, and Lanie arriving early seemed very unlikely. On opening the door, Kate was a little surprised, "Rick, hello, come in, please. I didn't think you knew my new place."

"I didn't, I asked Lanie. I know she's coming over, I won't be long I promise."

"Why didn't you ask me?" Kate waved him in through the door, "Don't worry about it, you are always welcome. Truly."

"It just came up Kate, I was asking her about something else. About this." He held out a large manilla envelope towards her, wiggling it a little as she looked at him quizzically.

"Since we started talking again Kate, spending some real time together, just being more us, more the old us, well... I've been writing again, it started out slowly, but more recently things have been picking up. I've always processed my thoughts better through writing than speaking, and this my latest book. I've already given it to Gina, it'll be released in a month or so."

She gently took the envelope out of his hand as he paused before finishing his thoughts, "I thought about things, and I want you to read it. Don't feel that you have to, but please, at least think about it."

He left her there, staring at him open mouthed. Stunned.

That he believed for a second she might not read the book frightened her, at least when she recovered enough to think. She knew he suspected, more than suspected really, that she was a fan but not how very important his words had always been to her.

She took the enveloped over to her desk and pulled out the manuscript. The title page read simply 'ReHeat', and she rapidly shuffled some pages. The dedication page was missing.

Lanie found her still there, flipping pages, when she arrived an hour later.

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She called in sick the next day, she really wasn't feeling 100% after not getting any sleep, especially since her mind had stayed wired all night. Normally she'd just tough it out, but she had more important matters to deal with. She needed to read the book again. In fact, she read 'Missing Heat' again first, then flowed straight through into 'ReHeat'. She would, if pushed, concede that she skimmed both the second time through; a little desperate to reach the ending where they were back together again.

She had to see him, had to see him now. It was early, he'd still be at the loft. She quickly changed, grabbed the manuscript and another book before heading out.

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Kate stood outside the loft, Eduardo had wave her through without the need for her to flash a badge, or for him to call up; she had clearly been added to an approved list. That at least helped her confidence a little

Her knock went unanswered, then unanswered again, only on the third did she hear movement behind the door. When they swung open she was greeted by a bleary, red-eyed Martha. "Katherine, do come in. I was just heading up to get some rest."

"Martha, is Rick here?" Kate had stepped inside now, the first time she had entered the loft in over three years, while the relationship between her and Rick had certainly improved she had still placed his home on a mental no entry zone until things were... something. She want sure what she'd been waiting for, maybe this; she felt she needed to be there, belonged today.

"Well, I'm sure he must be my dear, but I haven't seen him this morning."

"I need to talk to him." As soon as she spoke she remember what had happened the last time she spoke those very words to Martha. Frogmarch. She hoped for a better reception this time.

"It seems to me dear that if you need to talk to him, you know how to find him now." Martha had been wobbling a little, but straightened up at those words. "Also seems to me that the last time we spoke I asked to stay away from him for his own good. You didn't listen."

"Martha, I..."

"Ha! No Katherine, I am so very glad you decided to ignore that advice, I hindsight it appears you were the only one who could perhaps make him whole again."

With that Martha resumed her wobbling and tottered off up the stairs. Kate was left alone in the loft, a place that had once before seemed so very much like a home to her. The way things stood still, she was not going to fish Rick out of bed; so she called him, possibly what she should have done originally so he'd know she was coming.

"Hmmpgh?"

"Rick, it's Kate. We need to talk please."

"Body?"

"No Rick, no body, I'm in your den. Make yourself presentable and I'll put some coffee on."

It took a good 15 minutes for Rick to be both presentable and have consumed an initial dose of caffeine, allowing him to actually string together semi-coherent thought. She honestly missed mornings like this.

"I have some things to say Rick, please listen, this is going to be hard so... Just let me finish please?" He was watching now, paying careful attention and gave a slight nod.

"I read the book Rick, and I loved it. You know I've read all you books, I know you do. I don't think you know just how much they've meant to me though. I never told you, but your books were what saved me after my mother's murder, they allowed me to believe that justice would always prevail, that eventually my mother's killer would be brought down. He was Rick, eventually, and only because of your help years ago."

"I once stood in line to get this signed Rick, two hours to get your signature on a page," she slid the opened, signed copy of her favorite book across the breakfast bar towards him.

"I'm sorry I never told you this, just how much your words meant to me. When you asked me to read the manuscript, but told me not to feel obliged. That scared me Rick, that you could not know how important every one of you words has been to me."

Kate had reached the final thing she wanted to say, "Rick, I want to be there, for this book launch. I want to be there for you and support you in any way I can. This is big for you I know, this is big for us I hope."

"Thank you Kate, for sharing that." Rick stared down, still processing, wondering why she had never trusted him with this before. He continued stirring his coffee, before speaking, "Would it be alright right if we put your name on the invite? Sort of a, meet the muse behind the book thing?"

She hesitated barely a split second, "As I said Rick, whatever you need. I want to be there, I can go as detective Beckett, as your muse, I can go as your friend, or... Rick, I could go as your date."

She held her breathe for a second after that as it seemed everything stopped, waiting as Rick contemplated his coffee, now without stirring.

"As my date? You want to go to the book launch as my date?"

She breathed a sigh, that was certainly not the rejection she had been so concerned about, however she felt they had been progressing, to date was a huge step she knew, "Yes. I want to go as you date, but only if you want that too; I really don't want to rush you Rick."

"Will you bring me a corsage?" He looked up from his coffee finally, and he was definitely smiling.

"Only if you wear a dress Rick."

"Ok, no dress though, for me; you will be wearing a dress right? Where's my phone? I can start a countdown app for this - thirty days until our first date."

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After their agreement had been made, Kate had almost immediate started having second thoughts about the date, not the date per se, but the date - it was month off. Another month of handshakes and kissed cheeks she suspected, doubting that Rick would push things forward with such an obviously narrative catalyst for him to work toward.

When the date finally appeared, even then Kate felt a little let down. She was going to be picked up by town car unfortunately. Despite being Rick's date for the night, he had to be present two hours early so they had decided to meet there. She'd text him as she pulled up, so he could meet her on the carpet for some initial photos.

She had also insisted that he not buy her a dress, she wanted to surprise him. The dress wouldn't be the only surprise she'd be wearing, new lingerie has also been purchased. She was not normally one for even considering lingerie as relevant for a first date. Kate was a realist however, this was more like date 107 by her count, so lingerie viewing was definitely not out of the question from her side.

The car picked her up on time, and whisked her off to the party; and as she promised Rick, she sent a text as the car drew up outside. She stepped out of the car to face a few photographers just as Rick approached. He looked good dressed in a tuxedo. He looked really good.

He held out both hands towards her as she approached, "You look spectacular Kate. Absolutely spectacular."

She tugged him closer, leaning in to place a relatively chaste kiss on his cheek, and whispered to him, "I had to look good for my date Rick. I've been waiting for this night all month."

Together, his arm loosely around he waist they made their way into the reception, ignoring the calls outside for more photos; Rick had told her there would be plenty of photo opportunities when the book was unveiled at the end of the evening.

They mingled, not needing to be together to fight nerves; both had their fair share of experience at swanky receptions, though Kate's were more politically oriented than the entertainment crowd seen here. They just wanted to spend the evening together, touching even hip to clothed hip was comforting to the pair of them.

Eventually, after being introduced to all of Rick's friends as his muse, which while appropriate for the evening was not the same as being introduced as his date, and that did slightly irritate Kate. She'd waited a long time for this, not just the month, but the year of work she'd put into rebuilding. She wanted to be acknowledge as more than just inspiration for words, though she wasn't irritated at Rick really, didn't think he meant anything by it; he was just honoring her contribution to the reason for the evening.

As the night wore on, eventually the hour approached when the book would be formally launched. The only downside for that part of the evening would be Rick leaving her side, as Gina firmly reminded him as 9pm approached. He needed to be ready to ascend the podium, ready on the stroke of the hour, and Gina was not about to let anything go wrong in that regard.

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Shortly after Rick was dragged off unwillingly by Gina, Lanie sidled up alongside her. Lanie, sidled. Something was definitely up.

"Girl! You have to look at this." Lanie thrust a coverless book into her grasp.

Kate turned it over in her hands, and saw printed on the spine: 'ReHeat'. She hissed a Lanie, "Where did you get this? It's not being unveiled until later!"

"Don't ask questions you don't want answered to girlfriend. Just open it."

Kate cracked open the book, she'd read everything in it twice already except the one page missing from her manuscript, the dedication. There it was now, staring her in the face, "To KB - Whom I wish I had never lost."

Kate choked off a gasp, recalling how the books told a story of loss, pain, and reconnection. In 'Missing Heat' Nikki and Rook had investigated a string of kidnappings and murders, and towards the end of the book Nikki herself was kidnapped. Through the combined efforts of Rook and the Roach they had finally cracked opens the case, closed in on the kidnapping ring, and ultimately taken down the villains. Nikki though, was nowhere to be found, she had simply vanished, and none of the surviving kidnappers would say anything about her whereabouts no matter the plea deal they were offered. She was simply gone, taken from Rook. Separated through no fault of her own, or his.

Kate had cried, honest open tears, when she had first read the book. In writing fiction Castle could bring himself to believe that Nikki would ever choose to separate herself from Rook; it was inconceivable to him how such characterization could be aligned with the history he had built in five prior books. It generated a heart wrenching sense of guilt in Kate the first time, and even repeated readings, knowing she had come back, left a unpleasant taste in her mouth.

In 'ReHeat' Rook had, at the beginning, given up all hope of being reunited, until clues started to fall into his lap. Again with the assistance of the Roach, clues were followed, traces found, until Rook discovered Nikki was very much alive. They moved heaven and earth to recover her, and the book ended with a reunion which had once again brought tears to her eyes. It truly was not their story at its core, since Rook had no reason for anger toward Nikki, but it was nonetheless a story of restoration and reunion.

Despite the anger he had, and had overcome towards Kate, both books had been love letters to Nikki, to his dream of who Kate was. She had been lost to him, and now was found. She stood still, eyes closed and tried to gather her thoughts and control her emotions.

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Gina was very well aware Richard Castle's sometimes childish foibles, but still having to drag him by his wrist over towards the stage was starting to try her patience, "Richard, we need to go over the time line for the unveiling of the book. Richard? Are you paying attention?"

"What? Sorry. Why is he here?"

"Who?"

Rick spit out the name, "Erik Vaughn."

"Who?"

"Gina, don't mess with me about this. You know who he is. You obviously invited him. He's over there talking to the Mayor. Why is he here?"

She tossed a careless glance in the direction of the man Richard was talking about, and yes, she supposed she did recognize him, "I really don't know Richard. Are you sure Paula didn't invite him?"

"This is a Black Pawn event Gina. You are the Black Pawn representative. You are seriously telling me you didn't know he'd be here?"

"Well, he's a prominent man, he's probably just on the automatic list, like the Mayor and Governor. Those types never actually show Richard, well accept the Mayor for you obviously. We just send invites to them automatically, never hurts the PR if one of them does actually make an appearance."

Richard stood staring off into space as she continued talking.

"Why does it matter? Do you know him?" Something was clearly bothering her author, and she did not need an irritated Richard Castle this evening, the charming one need to reappear before the photo op later.

"I don't like him Gina, let's just leave it at that."

"Well why would he bother coming?"

He was borderline growling now, unhappy, "Because of the invite Gina. The invite said Detective Beckett would be here. He came to see her."

Gina gave a nonchalant wave at that, it was time refocus her star for the evening, "Well I'm sure she can look after herself. Focus Richard, tonight is important, don't forget you are out of contract right now. I pulled strings to get another Nikki Heat book the green light, instead of a new trilogy you initially promised."

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One she had recovered her emotional stability a bit, Kate had spent some more time chatting with Lanie, before she slipped off to drop the book back wherever she found it. Kate spent some time mingling, talking to Ryan, Esposito, both of whom were guests of honor, though not named on the invitation as she was. She felt temporarily alone, even more so after reading the dedication; she wanted to speak to Rick, but could see him across the room apparently bickering with Gina over something.

"Kate, it is so good to see you after so long!" She heard the voice at the same time she felt a touch on her lower back. She jerked away with a shiver, turning to face possibly the last person she expected to see.

As she complete her turn he reached out for her hand, stepping closer, she quickly wrapped both hands around her drink glass and took a firm step away, reestablishing a comfortable space between them. "Mr Vaughn, it's honestly a surprise to see you here."

"Kate, it's Erik, please. I was invited, I always get invited to these things, I just never usually find anyone at these events interesting enough to make my attendance worthwhile. This time though, I saw you name on the invitation as muse de jour."

Kate was puzzled, why on earth would Castle invite Vaughn of all people, then she mentally slapped herself. Castle didn't, he doesn't supervise the guest list at his events, either Gina or Paula were behind this.

"Mr Vaughn, I'm here to support Richard Castle, it's his night after all; not to entertain you."

"Oh, I don't know Kate, I don't think Mr Castle is in need of much support right now, he seems distracted by that blond; we could probably slip out, pick back up where we left off over drinks the last time."

"Mr Vaughn. Look, I regret everything about our last meeting. You manipulated me, you pulled strings with the NYPD brass to do it; you manipulated the whole situation." Kate was actually starting to get both irritated and offended by his tone now, rather than finding his mere presence aggravating.

"Kate, again, Erik, please." He was still wearing his over processed, plasticized smile as he continued, "You didn't seem to regret it at the time Kate. You let me kiss you, you only turned me down because you were in relationship, and you hesitated even then. I asked around, you aren't in a relationship now are you?"

She shook her head, he wasn't listening to anything other than what he wanted to be true, "Like I said Vaughn. Mr Vaughn. I regret that incident, and the kiss? It meant nothing to me, less than nothing."

She glanced over to where Castle was in conversation with both Paula and Gina now, near the stairs to the podium. It appeared the climax of the evening was coming, and she had somewhere to be.

"Mr Vaughn, I apologize if I ever gave you the wrong impression. But realize, you never really had a chance then, and you certainly don't now. Goodbye Mr Vaughn, I have serious things to take care of. "

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As Kate joined Castle at the steps leading to the stage and podium, she pulled him aside briefly, whispering to ensure neither Gina nor Paula overheard, "Rick, do you want to make a splash?"

He wiggled his eyebrows at her, "Seriously!? When do I not want to make a splash?"

She put her game face on for a moment, there were deals to be made, conditions to be negotiated, things were about to get serious, "Ok, no more signing any other women's chests. That's the deal, take it or leave it."

He studied her, eyes boring into hers for a second, "What do it get in exch.. Other women's chests? That means I can sign yours? For real?"

She grinned at him, "Quick Ricky at work? That's the deal. No other chests, and I don't mean just tonight. We go up there, you present the book, then you sign Nikki Heat's chest in front of all those cameras. Deal?"

His grin dropped away for a moment then, "Kate, seriously, you don't have to do this, I don't want to embarrass you."

"This won't embarrass me, or not enough that I don't want to do it. I want you to know how seriously I take us Rick, and just how much this book means to me."

"You, or we, will be on Page 6 tomorrow if you do this Kate - your face, your chest will be a public spectacle. Couldn't you get into trouble at work?"

"You're right Rick - we'd be a public spectacle. We. In public. Everyone would know. Why wouldn't I want that?"

She turned then to, faced the stairs, speaking over her shoulder, "You coming Rick?"

The normal things were said, Castle flashed his charming smile, holding the book up for the camera, then introduced Kate, "This is, as you all know, the inspiration for Nikki Heat; Detective Katherine Beckett of the NYPD." There were the expected camera flashes after that.

Rick then leaned in, to whisper in her ear, "Last chance to back out Kate."

Feeling a little dazed already, she hissed back, "Just do it already!"

With an overly extravagant flourish, Richard Castle, showman author, pulled a sharpie out of his jacket pocket to an exaggerate gasp form those in attendance. With yet another flourish, placed his hand on her lower back, and then signed his name across the top of Kate's cleavage, the pen leaving a tingling wake behind it that was not entirely related to the ink drying. He was taking his time about it too she realized; leaving lots of opportunity for the photographers to capture the whole moment.

After the signing moment was over, Kate felt like she must have been beet red all over, her face absolutely glowing. In for a penny, in for a pound she thought, and made another decision. She reached up her hand to grab Rick firmly be the back of the neck and pulled his face towards hers, if she'd thought the camera flashes were rapid before, they were machine gun like now as she pressed lips to his in a firm kiss. She pulled back slowly, holding his bottom lip between her teeth for a little longer than strictly necessary, and pulled her own lips simultaneous into a wide grin.

Finally releasing his lip, if not her hold on his neck, she could see that he was grinning too now, and she whispered to him, "Rick, that really meant something to me!"


	12. Maddie

**Disclaimer: Yeah right. I don't own Castle.**

**A/N: [If anyone does review: please, no spoilers.] Wow, finisheitt his chapter, it was a struggle! For what it's worth, the last chapter has been written (but not the penultimate one...) ;-) Very interesting that the 'Demming' chapter is the least read, very interesting indeed... Apparently he's even less popular than 'Vaughn' ;-)**

The rest of the evening had gone spectacularly well, they remained glued to each others sides throughout the night. As soon as they had left the podium Rick had removed his jacket to drape around her shoulders, and she had pulled it tight about herself, not just to cover her now rather conspicuously marked chest, but also to be wrapped up in the warm of him.

Rick had even insisted the track down Vaughn to thank him for attending their big night, he had given them a begrudging congratulations. Kate supposed gloating was appropriate now and then; and this was probably one of those times. Even being near Vaughn still made her a little queasy given their history, but with Rick's arm around her waist that was bearable.

The only disappointment for Kate was mild at best, he escorted her home and then declined her invitation to join her for coffee or a night cap. He insisted instead that they go on a special date, for her this time, and he'd make all the arrangement personally. She felt a touch of let down, but he spent some time consoling her against her apartment door before bidding her goodnight for the evening. Now she had another date to look forward to, just the two of them this time.

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"Beckett! My office. Now!"

Beckett had a sneaking suspicion she knew what Gates was upset about as she entered her homocide bull-pen the next morning, it didn't take a trained detective to figure it out. The suspicion was confirmed when a copy of the NY Post was laying on the captains desk, flipped open to Page 6.

"Normally Beckett, I wouldn't care what you got up to in your off duty hours. Provided those activities don't cast a poor light of the NYPD."

"Sir..."

"Not interested in your explanation Beckett, don't let it happen again. That it was Mr Castle is however, problematic, since he is involved in your work here."

"Sir, he's not my partner, Detective Irons is."

"Was Beckett, he turned in retirement paperwork last night, fortunately before this... Sharpie incident. As did detective Neals. They are going to open a bait shop in Florida or something, it doesn't matter. It creates a problem for me, losing two senior detective on different teams. Until I saw this...," at which point Gate slams her hand down on the photo, "I had every intention of pushing you into one of those spots. What would the press think of that? 'Nikki Heat promoted after Sharpie-Gate incident'. It couldn't have come at a worse time."

Beckett's mind had temporarily panicked; so close, so close to being a team leader again. She felt none of the tension she expected though, no regret at all; last night had been worth whatever consequences she had to face. Things had certainly gone a little beyond the supportive night she'd had in mind, and the morning shower still hadn't entirely removed the signature; but she had needed the push as much as Rick, and she did not begrudge herself that.

"Get out Beckett. Let me try and fix this mess."

As Beckett stood to leave, Gates once again slammed her hand down on her desk in another very uncharacteristic show of anger, "Beckett, no, sit!"

Beckett thought it best not to point out she was not a dog in reaction to that, so instead she just took the seat as instructed.

"I am irritated Beckett, exasperated at you. I expected better public behavior from you. However, I am not going to let PR dictate my personnel decisions. Irons and Neals leave at the end of the week, at that point I'll be making you senior detective of a group, yes you'll be jumping line but that's my problem to deal with, not yours. You'll have your choice of two of the remaining detectives form the combin.."

Beckett interrupted quickly, "Ryan and Esposito sir."

"That's great Beckett, but perhaps you should consult them about it before making unilateral decisions impacting their careers?"

"Yes sir, I will."

"Get back to me by the end of the day with your choices, and Beckett, with their responses."

"Thank you sir. Thanks for the opportunity again."

"Dismissed Beckett, go deal with this. Now."

Beckett stood briskly, energized, and started to exit Gates' office; ready to leave and talk to her former teammates.

"Oh, and Beckett? Tell Mr Castle not to come in to the precinct."

Beckett froze solid, "Sir?"

Gates gestured her out of he office, with a few final words, "What did you expect after that performance last night?"

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Beckett walked over to her desk and slumped down into the chair. What had happened? One minute she had lost the opportunity to have her old job back, but regretted none of it because the why had brought her closer to Rick; then next she had the job at the expense of losing so much of her time with Rick.

She needed to talk to him, she really needed to see him; but she had to talk to him before he came into the precinct today. She grabbed her phone and headed into the break room to find some privacy, hitting speed dial #1 on the way.

"Good morning Kate, sleep well?"

"Castle," this was important, related to the precinct, she had to try to depersonalize it somehow, to not make it about them, "Gates saw photos of last night. She doesn't want you to come in to the precinct." There, it was out.

"Well I can't say I'm surprised Kate."

"What?" She was a little shocked, he was taking it so well, when she was almost terrified of the thought of them becoming more distant again.

"It'll probably all blow over in a few days Kate, and well, if it doesn't, we'll manage somehow."

"I thought you'd be upset Rick, you were worried about this, trouble at work; you worried about it last night."

"Kate, I was worried you would get into trouble at work, not that it would cause any problems for us. I don't love you because of the work Kate."

She'd been struck absolutely speechless, so Rick continued, "Did you get into trouble Kate?"

Kate resumed speaking, hesitantly, "No, well yes, but not much; I'm being promoted Rick; senior detective at the end of the week, back leading a team again."

"That's great Kate, that's why you came back to the NYPD isn't it?" At that point there was an audible beep, apparently from Rick's phone, "Sorry, Alexis is calling now. I'll talk to you later ok? I'll have some lunch sent over for you - make sure you eat Kate."

He hung up as she remained silent. She sat for a while staring at her phone, still a little stunned by the events of the day so far. Kate felt that yes, today she had been granted a large part of what she came back to New York and the NYPD to rebuild, but it wasn't the promotion.

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It took Kate a few minutes to gather her thoughts and refocus on what else she was supposed to be doing: recruiting Ryan and Esposito back to team Beckett. She stuck her head out of the break room, and saw both of them working away on paperwork at their desks.

"Guys! Ryan, Espo,can I have a word?" She gestured for them to come into the break room and started making herself a fresh coffee and they wrapped up the documents they were working on.

"Yo Beckett, what do you need?" Esposito had definitely warmed back up to her over the last month, they had shared the occasional drink, sometimes just the boys and her after a late shift, sometimes including Castle in the mix. They had all spent some time together at the book signing last night, and the feeling of togetherness there was unmistakable to her: they all belonged together. She had missed that camaraderie, and it was time in her mind to finally put all the pieces back together again.

"I assume you know by now that Irons and Neals are leaving? Official retirement at the end of the week?"

Ryan was first to respond, "Sure Beckett, Neals told us last week." Interesting, Neals had told them, Irons had told her nothing, but then they'd only been working together about a month.

"Well, I don't know how to say this any other way. Gates has offered me one of the senior detective spots, the opportunity to lead a team again, and the opportunity to offer two slots in the team. To you guys, I want you to work with me again. I want to work with you again."

Ryan glanced at Espo before speaking up, "Look Beckett, we made a great team before, but I don't know; we got why you took the job, more prestige, national cases, but when you left if felt like we weren't good enough, you wanted better."

Beckett wasn't shocked, but she'd talked it out with Espo already, or so she thought, "Guys, it wasn't like that."

Espo broke before she could continue, "Beckett, we get it, you and me, we talked. We just aren't sure it's the best idea, working on the same floor, the same squad, ok. On the same team though, you sure that's good idea? You trust us to have your back?"

"Woah! It was never about that guys! I've always, always trusted you to watch my back. Maybe I didn't, no I definitely didn't handle leaving years ago like I should. Maybe I haven't handled this as well as I could. I want to work with you. Gates gave me options, before she even finished speaking I asked for you guys. You are my first any only choices here."

They each paused, considering options, before Ryan spoke softly again, "Ok, I think we know we can do this, maybe it'll be a little nerve wracking at first; but hey if Castle can provide some relief that could break the tension right?"

Beckett remained silent, hoping that everything would blow over, and everything else would work out.

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The week flew past, Beckett stuck in the precinct completing a backlog of paperwork, all of which had to be finished before Irons official retired at the end of the shift Friday. She only saw Castle once during the week, a dinner a Remy's where they each expressed a desire for Friday to come a little sooner. He'd walked her home afterwards, kissed her goodnight, more than once; she'd returned the sentiment.

Gates had given Beckett and her prospective new team the weekend off, they would be required to return to on-call activities first thing Monday morning. She and Rick had agreed that'd he stay away from the precinct for the week, he'd lie low, see if the whole mess blew over.

To Kate that weekend off felt like fate had granted her a massive favor, her date with Rick was set for Friday night, a later dinner after the shift had ended, no chance of running late since it was all paperwork for the dissolving team at this point. Friday night dinner, then Saturday and Sunday work free, she was already dreaming of the possibilities.

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At the end of the shift on Friday Beckett practically flew out of the precinct, she had two hours until Rick was picking her up, times to shower, dress, change her mind, dress again and repeat a few times. In the end Kate was quite happy: only two changes required, the only problem was that left her done, dressed and ready over half an hour early. Leaving her plenty of time for pacing, second guessing wardrobe choices, and worrying about how the night would go.

Rick wasn't doing much better, and his writers mind was starting to go wild, without having the luxury of paperwork boredom to distract him he'd been flip flopping shirt colors for four hours; creating mental scenarios for why each color was perfect or terrible, or both. He though he might have gone crazy again, something about the thought of seeing Kate in a few hours seemed to have pushed him over the edge into crazyville. Blue, he finally decided. Definitely purple. Definitely. Definitely. Now he sounded like Rainman. Fabulous.

Richard Castle had gone insane, so Kate told him when he picked her up in a horse drawn carriage. A horse a carriage! She was not a tourist, and what's more she hissed at him, they smell. Not a great start to evening, he thought, but she looked really good from what he could see around the coat. Of course, he knew she looked good anyway, so he wasn't really learning anything new.

"Where are we going Castle?"

Castle? Clearly she's irritated at him, more than a little bit, damage control time, "You look absolutely beautiful tonight Kate! Ravishing!"

"Ok, nice try Rick, just the carriage was a little bit too much ok? You didn't answer though, evaded."

"I wanted it to be a surprise, but I suppose you'll see it coming anyway. We're going to Q."

"As in Maddie's new place? That Q?"

"Yes, I asked, she's put a special menu together for us tonight. She asked for a theme. I told her aphrodisiacs."

Kate's jaw dropped, "Tell me you are joking Rick. Tell me now!"

"Wait and see Kate, we're almost there."

He had decided to pull out all the stops tonight, and admitted to himself that maybe, just maybe he'd gone a little overboard. Rick honestly hasn't meant to say those words earlier in the week, he'd expected to save them for a special occasion; but they'd been a part of him so long now, even when buried deep in anger, that they'd simply slipped out when he was distracted but other worries. Once out in the open though, and he knew Kate had reacted to them, well now it was time to back them with action. He believed the precinct issue would work itself out, turn into a simple short-term PR squall rather than a long-term problem, and well, if Gates did try and make a big issue for it, he still had strings to pull. Favors to call from freinds, such as the Mayor, who had seemed genuinely happy for him after the events of the night.

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They finally arrived, Rick helped her down from the carriage, hands in her hips instead of simply offering his hand as he had when helping her board.

The restaurant was relatively small, but beautifully appointed. Their reservation, under Becks, was ready to go. When finally seated they were relaxed, sipping cocktails, only one she insisted, and eager to begin the gastronomic experience Maddie had promised.

The first course was oysters. He really had, he really had told Maddie to use an aphrodisiac theme. She was going to kill him. Later. After later. But she was definitely going to kill him. Maybe torture him a little first. Slowly.

Rick excused himself during the third course, just as Maddie approached, he apologized but well, he had to use the little boys room.

"So Becks, what's the story? I thought you two got together years ago?"

"I.. We did, then I took a job on DC a few years back, left, moved on; it was a huge mistake Maddie. One I'm still trying to rebuild from. Tonight is a big night."

"I thought last night was the big night. In saw the photos Becks!"

"Maddie please, that was... not a mistake, I don't regret it, but it wasn't exactly well planned on my part."

"I can't believe you let it happen! Photos too! You still have the hots for him don't you Becks?"

"No Maddie, not the hots, I love him. So much more than just being hot for him."

"Wow Becks, I'm happy for you. Have you told him?"

"No. Not yet. Well, yes, years ago, but not recently, not since we've been back together. I will, I waited so long the first time, I'm not making the same mistake twice."

When Rick rejoined then they all chatted for a few moments before Maddie left, giving Kate a wink as she walked away behind Rick. Dinner progressed, they touched hands occasionally, Kate trying to work up the nerve to verbalize what she wanted, and needed to say.

Only during dessert, when she felt a sense of time ticking away did she finally work up her courage, this would be hard. "Rick, I have something to say. Something I should have said more often before, to you. Something I've never told any boyfriend but you."

Seeing that Kate was getting nervous, Rick reached across the to lightly grasp her hands, a slight squeeze gave her the confidence to continue. "Then you said it the other day, so normally, I don't even know if you realized Rick. You said it so casually, like it was just a foregone conclusion, just so part of who you are that saying it was automatic. I want it to be automatic to me too, if you'll be patient with me I know I'll get there."

She freed one hand to reach for her wine, take a comforting sip, and return it to Rick's grasp; grateful that he had remained silent, waited for her, been patient for more than just that moment, "Rick. I do. I do love you."

Rick slowly withdrew his hands from hers, leaned back, smiling widely at her. Then he lifted one hand into the air; and completely inappropriately for such a fine restaurant, proclaimed loudly, "Check please!"

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Rick's regular town car was waiting for them as they exited the restaurant, not the carriage, and after a quick negotiation, both promptly slid into the back seat, Rick giving simple directions to the driver, "Back to Detective Beckett's apartment please James."

They rode in silence, sitting side by side just enjoying the company; Kate eventually placed her hand lightly on Rick's thigh, but doing nothing more. Rick placed his hand over hers. Touchdown! Wow, Rick thought he might be getting a little too wound up for the back of the car.

There was no offer of a nigh-cap, or coffee this time as they walked up to Kate's apartment. She had honestly been a little torn, Ricks's bed was so soft, the linens so fine; but there was always a chance of an interruption, and she had plans. Two days worth of plans that did not need interrupting. So she had decided on her place, and dropped some heavy hints that she'd make it worth his while; he hadn't taken much convincing.

Getting in the door of her apartment was troublesome, it was apparent she wasn't on a date with Rick, but an octopus. Hands everywhere, more than should be possible. When inside she shoved Rick away rather abruptly, buying her enough time to take her coat off.

They stood watching each other, before Kate slowly beckoned Rick closer, as he approached she turned him so his back was towards her bedroom, so she could control the direction of their movement. Enough time had passed.

Kate slowly started pushing Rick backward in the direction of her bedroom, "Come on Rick, don't make this any harder on you than it needs to be."

Rick was backing up slowly, not in any hurry, not feeling any need to rush, "Why Miss Beckett, whatever do you have in mind? Something innocent? Or not so? You just want to make some little Castle babies don't you?"

She let out a peal of laughter, genuine delight, "Not tonight Rick, but someday I'd love that option."


	13. Meredith

**Disclaimer: Yeah right. I don't own Castle.**

**A/N: [If anyone does review: please no spoilers.] I apologize for this chapter in advance. ****What can I say, I don't like Twinkies, they taste artificial to me..**. On the plus side the last one is actually already written, just final proofing to go. 

**A/N 2: I am (feel free to laugh at this) also writing an M rated companion piece, set immediate after 'Maddie', probably "In Reverse: M after Q", will be up after the rest of the story is finished. Never written anything M rated either - could end up being hilarious in a really, really bad way...**

It had in fact taken two weeks before Gates had allowed Castle back in to the precinct on a permanent basis, long enough that the whole team was starting to get a little antsy about the issue, but not long enough that Castle had yet felt the to press any panic buttons and call the Mayor. Her team had relatively quickly re-established its old flow, and the first time she has said "Espo, run the financial" again after so long, it actually resulted in a quickly cut off laugh. Castle's return just completed everything, despite the daily involvement of death, work was fun again. They had relatively quickly gained traction too, solving murders at greater clip than any other at the precinct or throughout the NYPD.

Nine months of dating, nine month of the exquisite relief of being back together flared through Kate's blood on a daily basis. Sometimes it ran close to being embarrassing, when she caught her self staring, not simply watching, as he crossed the bull-pen early in the morning to present her with coffee. Really it was only embarrassing when she was caught doing it by Ryan or Esposito, who would watch her stare at Castle until she noticed and flicked a glare at them. Castle was not caught occasionally staring at her anymore, he never stopped; as always Kate complained, but she knew he wouldn't stop, nor did she want him too.

They were closer now, closer than they had ever been; they knew secrets about each other that had never been shared before.

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"Hi Pumpkin! To what do I owe this call?"

"You're not going to like it dad, but please hear me out."

That did not sound particularly appealing to him actually, maybe some fake static noises would be good at this juncture? "Hsssspt. Crrzzzk."

No, he couldn't do that to Alexis. "Ok, I'm listening."

"You know I promised to come to Thanksgiving dinner at the loft with you, Kate, and Grams?"

"Yeah pumpkin, please do not tell me you aren't going to make it."

"Well no dad, I can make it; but can I bring an extra?"

"You want to bring a date to Thanksgiving lunch? Who? Is it serious? How come I haven't met him yet?"

"Umm.. Not a date dad. Mom. She going to be staying with me over Thanksgiving."

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Rick needed to talk to Kate about this, sure Meredith is Alexis' mother but Kate is Kate, his... love? He pondered what to call her, girlfriend seemingly wholly insufficient. If Meredith being there would make Kate uncomfortable, then he'd just arrange for Meredith to have thanksgiving lunch at The Four Seasons instead.

It was a trial prep day, Rick was basically excluded from the precinct, no need or want of his presence from the assistant DA, so he called to leave a call back message for Kate.

When she did it was with a simple greeting, "Hey Rick."

With Kate sometimes Rick judged it best to be blunt, sometimes that blew up in his face, he didn't know how this was going to turn out, "You know Alexis is coming over for Thanksgiving lunch? Well she wants to have Meredith there too."

There was a distinct pause, "Ok."

"Kate, I don't want her there if it will make you uncomfortable. She'll probably make me uncomfortable, but I'll put up with her for Alexis. You don't have to do that Kate."

"Yes I do Rick, I don't want to ruin anything; get in the way of your family obligations."

"Seriously Kate, are you ok with this?"

"Yeah Rick, I can handle being around Meredith for a lunch."

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Thanksgiving had finally arrived, and against her better judgment Kate had agreed to let Rick do the cooking, she had drawn the line a deep fried anything - fearing a disaster in the making. He was busy in the kitchen when Alexis arrived without her mother, who would apparently be here shortly but has been distracted by a barista down the street. Alexis had no interest in observing that particular interaction.

When Meredith did arrive, she was cordial; no snarky comments, but then she could pretend to be friendly with the best of them. Kate did immediately notice one thing though, couldn't really miss it; a shiny diamond ring on her finger, no wedding band though.

"Meredith, I see congratulations are in order." Kate gestured towards the ring, as Alexis, and Martha both turned to stare at her.

"Oh no Detective Beckett, this is the ring Rick gave me all those years ago. The one he had picked out for me when I accepted his proposal, despite everything I still treasure it."

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Kate felt her blood boiling, anger rising, and such a visceral hatred rise in her throat that she had to leave, to gather herself before she did something she regretted. Perhaps she would not regret the pleasure of tearing Meredith limb from limb, ripping the ring off her finger; but she knew she'd regret the resultant separation from her family. So she put herself in time-out, sat in Rick's office to allow its calming influence to seep into her.

Clearly Meredith knew about Rick's proposal, that he had offered Kate a ring and she had turned him down. It was water under the bridge to Kate, she'd acknowledged the mistake to herself and to Rick; but storms still came, rains still poured, and sometimes even now the water level rose and flooded the bridge yet again. They had built a stronger bridge between them this time, and though it may have faced floods occasionally, it would never be swept away by their damaging current again. Kate was determined about that.

Perhaps Rick had told Meredith? She knew that he had returned to his historic pattern with his Deep Fried Twinkie while she was gone from his life, and even for a short while after her initial return. He had sought out physical release, and perhaps some emotional succor from being wanted; but no true emotional healing in her, he never tried to reestablish anything permanent with her. So he told Kate at least, and she believed him.

Perhaps Alexis let it slip, or told her in a bout of anger directed at two women who had walked out in her life. It did not matter really how, she knew; and she was here to rub Kate's face it in, just as the last time they were in the loft together and she tried to stir up trouble.

The ring, that was the straw that broke back of Kate's anger, Meredith still had the ring even now. Kate was sure Meredith only brought it out for special occasions, probably when she wanted something from Rick. She supposed she should congratulate herself, she was clearly doing something right in her relationship with Castle if Meredith felt the need to bring out the metaphorical big guns.

If only she had accepted the Ricks's proposal, if only she'd accepted the ring; she was absolutely sure they'd have four years of pure happiness behind them, be a family, perhaps have children. All that was wrapped up in the ring missing from her finger, the ring she had turned down.

Meredith hadn't turned it down when offered, and years later, years after her relationship with Rick had collapsed for whatever reason; she still had the ring, still had the memories of accepting it, probably memories of a blissful initial marriage too.

If only she had the ring, was wearing the ring really, it would be as if the refusal had never happened; as if the four years to get back here, now, had been spent together the whole time. Years lost, regrets; all wrapped up in a ring lost to her forever.

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"Kate? Are you ok? Alexis told me Meredith said something that upset you."

Kate looked up to see Rick standing in the office doorway, she gesture him inside, still needed privacy, but not from Rick, "She's wearing an engagement ring Rick. One you gave her decades ago, she still has it."

"Oh, I'm sorry Kate. I didn't know she'd do that, wear it I mean."

"Rick, I'm not upset at you. She blindsided me that's all. She did it on purpose. She's manipulative, I just didn't get how much until now."

"Kate, she's only ever been interested in herself, getting what she wants, getting bigger jobs, more roles; more prominence, more time on screen; and she's never cared who she trampled to get it. Me for sure, Alexis even."

"You married her for Alexis? That I know, but why did you stick with her?"

"I don't give up easily Kate, not when there's something I really want; and I really wanted a happy family."

"Why didn't it work Rick? Why did you get divorced from Meredith?"

"I didn't divorce her Kate, she served me with the papers. Would I? I don't know. Probably, but she beat me to it."

"But why did she file the papers Rick? You don't have to tell me, it's ok, but I'd like to know."

"Why do you really want to know Kate? Think the same thing will happen again? Somehow we will fall apart? You aren't her Kate, you aren't any of them; I try to remember that everyday."

"I know, I know none of them were me. I confess Rick, I asked Meredith why once; I should have asked you, and I'm doing that now."

"You talked to her about it, you didn't ask me?" He couldn't help it, that hurt, it stung that she seemed to being saying she trusted Meredith more than him.

He was frustrated, upset, but he couldn't help it, he blurted it out, "She cheated on me!"

Kate was honestly not sure what she expected, but that was not it, she'd thought maybe the reverse and immediately hated herself for the thought. She had told Rick she trusted him before, why would she trust him with her but then doubt him with Meredith? She did trust him, even before this revelation; even more after this.

He was stood stock still now, eyes closed, lips tight. She reached out to touch his arm, "Rick? What's wrong?"

"Memories, memories of things past, that still hurt."

"What things? Meredith? Me? Talk to me Rick."

"Kyra, Meredith, Gina, you; every woman that ever mattered to me ended up moving on, seeking out more career, or other bigger and better things. Eventually they all leave me behind."

"They all made a mistake, but I'm glad they did or I would never have had the chance with you; I made a mistake when I left, but I came back. You're giving us a second chance, and I'm hoping we both make the most of that opportunity."

"Gina got a second chance too Kate, you remember? It eventually fell apart then too. Eventually it always falls apart. Second time is not a charm in my experience, it's just as much a curse as the first time."

"I'm not Gina either Rick."

"Yeah, I know. Sorry, I have to go finish preparing lunch." He left.

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Surprising lunch actually went well, to start at least. Turducken, dressing, sides; enough food to feed a small army, and more than enough to stuff them all into a stupor. In addition, there was a little too much wine flowing, as Martha fell into the role of dutiful host and continually topped up every glass at every opportunity. Martha was refilling her own glass at quite the clip, with Meredith not far behind; Kate sipped slowly, wanting to tight control of herself around Meredith.

Lunch started to wind down and Rick proposed a toast, "To good friends, family, the future; may we all be thankful for what we have hold dear, and that which we love." He smiled at Kate as he reached the end of his toast, raising his glass in her direction, before touching to the glass of each of them.

Martha spoke up with a simple, "Hear! Hear!" and the proceeded to drain her entire glass.

Meredith stood at that point, nearly wobble free, "Hear! Hear! To my family. To you Kitten, to my lovely daughter Alexis, and to the my career inspiration Martha Rodgers! May we all be together next year again, drawn together again by ties of blood."

Meredith laughed, she actually laughed then, and looked over at Kate, "It's getting about time for you to move on again isn't it Detective Beckett?"

Turning towards Rick, she sloshed her glass in his direction, "Don't worry Kitten, I'll be here to pick up the pieces when she dumps you for something better this time too."

"Mom!" "Meredith!"

That was it, the absolute last straw for Kate, even though she too was a guest here, she had to do something. She looked at Rick as he was about to stand, but shot up herself instead, beating him to the metaphorical punch, "Meredith, I'm sorry but I'm going to have to ask you to leave."

Meredith clearly wanted the last word as Kate escorted her to then door, though she was mumbling a little as she spoke, "Just because he's writing books about you again Detective Beckett, don't expect him to let you in; eventually you'll get bored with the pamphlet he'll share and then you'll leave too. I'll just pick up the pieces you leave behind, like last time."

"The won't be another opportunity for you Meredith, not any more; your time has passed. I know why you got divorced. You were never really family to him. I know who is father is. Do you? I know why he started writing. Do you? More than anything I know he loves me, and doesn't love you. I might not be able to write a novel about him, but that's because I'm not a writer, I'm a doer; and I'm going to go do right now. Goodbye."

After closing the door in Meredith's face she walked back to the dining table where the hubbub has died down slightly. She reached for Ricks's hand then, "We need to talk."

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Kate pulled Rick into their bedroom, shoving him down onto the bed; her irritation at the ending of lunch clearly still showing.

"You know what Rick? Meredith... Ughh! She's not relevant to us anymore, she was never really relevant to us anyway, I'm not her and, to you and me, that's all that matters."

Rick was watching as she paced, speaking softly, "You are most definitely not her Kate. There is no comparison, none at all."

"I'm sorry I threw her out Rick, it wasn't really my place, I'm a guest too, just like her."

Rick stood and reached out for her, gently taking both her shoulders in his hands, "You are nothing like her Kate, you certainly aren't a guest, you are family Kate. You belong here today, with us."

Kate had realized earlier that she felt of them all as family, that the loft had become her home, and that just firmed up the decision she had made in her final confrontations with Meredith, "I'm moving in Rick. Moving in with you."

Rick stared at her, a little shocked, "Kate, not that I'm objecting, but a decision like that shouldn't be made in the heat of the moment. You're angry."

She shook his hands off her shoulders and resumed pacing once again, "We were practically living together the last time, but never made it official. Would I have agreed if you asked? I don't know. You didn't ask though, I mean, I get it; I hadn't told you I loved you back then, so I don't blame you for being a little hesitant. But I told you I loved you months ago now Rick, and more than once since then, but you still haven't asked me. You are still a little hesitant, well I'm not. I'm moving in."

Rick almost sounded wistful as he looked at her, wistful but hesitant, "For how long Kate? Last time we made it a through a year of dating."

Her pacing ceased at the signs of hope mixed with doubt in his voice, "Rick, we're going to make it longer than a year, a lot longer than a year I hope."

"I hope too Kate, but I worry, I doubt; things have never worked out for me. You brought it up Kate, second chances have never panned out for me before either. For how long Kate, how long will you stay with me this time?"

Approaching, wrapping her arms around his waist, and laying her head on his shoulder, she told him her dream, "Always. For always Rick. I mean to be here always."


	14. Kate

**Disclaimer: Yeah right. I don't own Castle.**

**A/N: And... That's all folks! 30,000 words, when I started I was targeting about 5.000... I'd like to thank the pseudonymous Flashpoint33 for inspiration because without Decisions & Dominoes, and 226 Miles; well I'd never have worked up the nerve to write this. Inspired writing, inspired me...**

**A/N 2: [If anyone does review: please no spoilers.] Apologies for the long notes, but... An explicit feedback request (particularly for anyone who has read the whole thing). As only my second fic ever, and only second piece of (attempted) creative writing in 20+years... How was the overall flow? The dialogue (I suspect my weak point)? Were the mix of short/long chapters ok? Should the whole thing of just been one story (with the same elements) rather than 'snippet' moments? Were too many gaps left unfilled? Any color on what worked and what didn't greatly appreciated...**

**A/N 3: "****In Reverse: M after Q" is up...**

Katherine Beckett entered her new office and took a seat behind her desk, pristine glass walls surrounding her workspace, allowing her complete visibility into the newly constructed areas beyond. Once again she was office based, rather than working at a desk in an ocean of other desks.

Freedman had been right it seemed, these kind of opportunities did come around more than once in a lifetime. Once again the offer was almost too good to be true, certainly too good to turn down; she felt like she had almost no other choice but to take it.

She had been living at the loft for nine months when the call came in; dating, loving, just being together with Rick, once again relaxing into thier relationship. The last eighteen months as lead homocide detective had returned her closure rate to it previous highs, the kind of highs that generated attention. It was at work, during the middle of the day, when her cell rang. The call was simple: there is an opportunity, you would be perfect for it - come to an introductory meeting. So she had, subsequently discussions had ensued, and things flowed onward from there. There has been a sense of inevitability once the process was underway.

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Her first day on the new job was dull, the rest of the office space sitting empty, since none of her new staff of investigators had been transferred in yet. As a result she spent the day on the phone, hashing out budget considerations and wrinkles in transfer orders. No field work, barely any personal interaction.

The day ended at reasonable hour on this night, something she planed to maintain if at all possible. When it did she placed one final call to have her car brought around and headed downstairs to meet it. When up and running the new group would supply her with a vehicle, but for now it was the subway, or a chauffeured town car.

She was greeted promptly, as soon as she exited the building, "Miss Kate? Where to?"

Kate broke out into a smile as she slipped into the back of the car, "I have a date to pick up James, then the party. I'm hoping to celebrate tonight."

The car slid smoothly into traffic as she fired off a quick text; then tilted back her head, resting her eyes and looking forward to the rest of the evening.

"We're here Miss Kate." The announcement comes just as they cruise to a gentle stop in front of the building, and she quickly slips out, entering the lobby waiting only a few moments before the elevator doors opened. She watched as her date exited the elevator, before crossing the lobby, heading towards her.

Just as he reached her, and reached out for her, she held up a hand to fend him off a little; needing space for a moment more. Kate hesitated, considering whether she was doing the right thing; was she simply repeating the past, what had in hindsight been a clear mistake of judgement that had in turn resulted in very difficult period? She quickly concluded that it was really too late to second guess herself now, decisions had been made, the weight of them already hanging heavy around her neck.

"You know this is a big day for me, an important date in fact, you know how important tonight is don't you?"

He laughed, "Yes Kate, I know it's a big night, it's been a big day."

Kate actually broke out into a smile then, "I don't think you do Rick, I don't think you quite know just how important everything is to me tonight. Just how happy I am with my life right now. I'm sorry, but tonight is going to have to be our last date Rick. This job, this job is big; it's not going to be compatible with dating. At least not for me, some things are too important to receive anything but complete attention."

As she had spoke his face fell, lips tightened, squeezed his eyes tightly closed, "So this is it Kate? Again? We've been living together for almost nine months now, together for far longer, and you're going to leave?"

Kate's smile widened into a huge grin, eyes sparkling, but his closed eyes saw none of it as she stepped up a little closer and gave him a gentle push in the chest, "See Rick? I told you that you didn't really know what was going on tonight. It's almost five years to the day that I took that job in DC, about two and a half since I came to see you right here in this lobby. We've had a good second run so far, been together so long, but the time for us to date has passed."

He hissed at her then, face tight, looking away, "Second chances Kate? Second chance at a job and you grab it again? Second chance..."

She laughed then, actually laughed at him, and shoved him in the chest again; he looked so unhappy. Kate never thought this would be so much fun, he was just too easy, "Second chances Rick, a second chance for me to do this right."

She dropped to her knee, held out her hands again, "A second chance to pop the question Rick. What's the answer this time? Will you marry me?

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They were sat in the car now, thighs, arms, shoulders pressed tightly together. Rick was still somewhat speechless, but never one to hold his tongue for long, "Seriously Kate, I can't believe you did that, I could feel my heart breaking."

Kate turned to face him a little pressing her upper chest to his, "Rick, don't you trust me? I didn't say anything that wasn't true, you just jumped to all the wrong conclusions."

"You tricked me Kate. Tricked me!"

"Tricked sounds so negative don't you think? I toyed with you, teased you. You know you like it when I tease you Rick. I know you do, I can tell by your voice, you eyes. But I really meant every word. Mostly. Sure this job is compatible with dating, it's not like the DC thing. I don't want it to be though, I want it to be compatible with marriage. And I meant it one hundred percent when I said some things are too important to get less than undivided attention. Rick that's you, you deserve and have my undivided attention. The job is big, but I'll never again put the job before my heart."

Having recovered somewhat from his shock, Rick wrapped his arm around Kate, giving her a tight squeeze, then put his lips to her ear and whispered, "You know, I feel a little cheap Kate; where's my ring?"

She turned to face him, lips barely separated by millimeters, before pushing back and sliding to the other side of the car. She slowly began opening the top few buttons of her blouse, staring into his eyes, which kept dropping from hers before whipping back up to renew the contact.

"I thought about that Rick, no engagement ring for me, none for you; but I got these," she pulled a chain out then, and on it were dangling two plain platinum wedding bands, "A little premature to wear them tonight, but they're here when we set a date and do the deed."

Rick seemed mesmerized, and to his credit it seemed to be by the rings rather than the open buttons on her shirt. He suddenly blurted out, "But I have a ring. A ring for you I mean. The one from before. I kept it. It's at the back of the safe in the loft, in a little bag."

He swears he didn't see her move then, but in a flash she was almost straddling him, both hands grasping his lapels, face only an inch from his, "You kept it! You still have it?!"

A thing she had thought lost forever, something she had let slip through her fingers and lived to regret; it wasn't the ring she really considered now, but how his entire heart had been wrapped around it. She had rejected it then, him then; and she thought that part of thier history lost forever.

He placed his hand on her waist then to steady her, she almost seemed to be shaking, "Of course Kate, I didn't look at it for a long time, just left it there; but I couldn't get rid of it."

"James, home, the loft please. Now. Step on it!" She slumped toward at that, resting her head on his shoulder; they just sat together as the car continued on to it's new, old destination. He notice that she really was trembling.

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Kate practically dragged him from the car when they reached the loft, towed him across the lobby, up the elevator and eventually into his office. Her grip on his hand was crushing, and frankly she was starting to make him a little nervous; she was a little too tense. She jerked him over to the wall safe, tapping in the combination before opening it, turning to him and snapping out, "Where is it!"

Rick smiled at her, maybe it was time for some turn about is fair play, "Why Miss Beckett, you seem a little out of..."

She interrupted then, reaching out to pull him closer to the safe, "Give me my ring Rick. I need it. Please!"

Rick decided enough was enough, quickly reaching to the back of the safe to fish the ring box from the small velvet pouch that also contained a lock of Alexis's hair from her first haircut amongst a few other important personal items. As he pulled the box out he saw Kate's eyes lock onto it. Tempted, he was so tempted, why not sway the box back and forth to see if she would follow it like a mongoose tracking a cobra? On the whole though he enjoyed living, and didn't want to tempt fate with Kate seemingly right on the edge. He decided discretion was probably the better part of valor for tonight.

He removed the ring from the box, and Kate almost violently stuck her hand straight out. The change was starling as her slipped the ring onto her finger wordlessly, he could see tension drain out of her, from her limbs, for her eyes, just an all over look of relaxation came over her.

He watched her draw her hand back towards her body, closing her eyes, as she whispered softly, "Thank you Rick. You really have no idea what this means. You do, but you don't. I love you so much."

Rick just waited patiently for her to gather her thoughts, when her eyes opened once again she stared at him, then at the ring, breaking out in a enormous smile. Her eyes flicked towards the bedroom door before looking at the ring again, letting out a sigh she started to head out of the office, "Rick, we have a party to go to."

"But Kate! It's fashionable to be late!"

"Rick! No. We have to stand at this party, plus I'm in no mood to rush. Trust me, when we get done tonight you won't be able to walk for a week. Neither of us will."

Rick was still smirking as she reached out her ring had for him, tugging him back out of the loft and towards their original destination.

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They eventually managed to reach The Old Haunt, lipstick only slightly smudged, and quickly fixed after a repaint as the car pulled up outside.

"What are you going to tell people Kate?"

"About the engagement Rick? Honestly nothing, I'm wearing an enormous ring here, I'm going to wait for someone to say something first."

Rick hesitated slightly as he exited the car, and Kate knew exactly why, "I'm not trying to hide it Rick. If you want I'll announce it as soon as we step through the door. You have no idea how happy I am about this, I'll tell the world right now if it'll make you believe that."

He tugged her out of the car, giving her a kiss on the cheek, "Do whatever you think best Kate."

That made her dig in her heels, "It's not just about me anymore! It's about us. Why do you think I told you about this job call as soon as it came in? I made the mistake of only considering myself before and that almost cost everything. I learned from that, you know I did. What do you want Rick? We should make this decision together."

"This is your party Kate, for the job; I don't want to take away from that."

She actually laughed out loud at that, "Rick, I only agreed to the party because I knew what I had in mind. The proposal was not an after thought to round out my evening, it was my plan all long. I just didn't tell you and let you arrange the party to celebrate the new job."

"Then why didn't you want to tell anyone?"

She closed her eye briefly before reaching out to stroke his cheek, "I never said I didn't want to tell anyone Rick. Just that waiting to see who noticed first could be fun. It's a room full of detectives Rick, they will notice; Lanie should be here, she'll notice inside of five minutes."

"Kate, I..."

"I know Rick, but please trust me. I worry that you still doubt, that sometimes your first reaction is to doubt us, to doubt me. I understand, I do, but I want you to trust me again completely; and I've, no we've, been building to that. We've got work to do, but that's what this ring is to me Rick, a commitment to keep putting in the work no matter what. Remember, one-and-done, I'm in this for life."

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They walked into The Old Haunt hand in hand, to see groups of friends and family already gathered, chatting, drinking, joking.

The first person to spot them was Victoria Gates, no longer Beckett's captain, but now something of a friend; after a brief handshake she smiled at the pair of them, "Congratulations Kate. I know you've waited a long time for this."

"Thank you Vicki, the new job is a great opportunity and I thank you for the recommendation once again."

Victoria smiled again, glancing briefly downward, "Kate, I wasn't talking about the job. Look, it's great to see you both, I just wanted to stop by but I have to run. Date night and all."

Rick and Kate glanced at each other, eyebrows raised as Gates made her exit. They were both thinking the same: thirty seconds in, was the cat out of the bag already?

They moved together into the crowd, ensuring to stay in at least peripheral contact at all times, his hand on her lower back, or her fingers gently laying on his arm. They slowly meandered around the room before spotting Ryan and Esposito leaning at the bar, Kate was a little surprised that she had not seen Lanie yet, and that she was not with the guys.

Kate whispered to Rick as they approached, "Don't say anything to them."

Rick on turn reached out to the guys in his best impression of a butch handshake, it was a questionable attempt at best, "Guys, glad you could join us."

Espo smirked at him, "Seriously bro, like we'd miss this. Free drinks on you Castle."

Ryan meanwhile was looking at Kate, and while he gave Espo a nudge, spoke up, "Dude, congratulate the lady on her new job, not on your free drinks!"

"Yeah, Beckett, how was the first day?"

"Boring guys, just phone calls and paper work, nobody else but me right now."

Espo and Ryan glanced at each other and smiled, Ryan piping up, "Well yeah, our transfer orders don't go through until the end of the week, you won't be lonely very long."

Espo was now nudging Ryan on the side, poking him with his elbow, right when Kate felt a tap on her shoulder, "Hey girlfriend."

Lanie had a arrived, and after a quick hug had moved to stand between the boys, "How was the first day?"

"Boring Lanie, but it'll get better once the guys transfer in, and we're fully staffed."

"What about Castle?"

The man himself shifted around at that, "You do know I'm right here?"

"Hush Castle, I'm asking Kate here, what happens to Castle?"

"Err, Lanie, you know what happens, I run the new department, he's an oficially an unofficial part of that. You know that was part of the initial agreement with the Commissioner, we talked about it."

"Sure girl, but the Commissioner didn't know you engaged then did he?" Kate smiled at that; smiled, then winked.

Rick hesitated, staring at Lanie a little, then glanced at Kate who was looking mildly amused now, "Are we wearing signs or something?"

Espo barked a laugh at that, "Bro, you might as well be, she's got a giant rock on her finger; did you really think we wouldn't notice?"

Ryan was actually the first to reach for Kate's hand, to look over the ring, resulting in Espo ragging him a little, "Bro, you are such a girl."

After a quick perusal Ryan released the hand into Lanie's custody, and asked what he and Espo were definitely both thinking, "Hey Castle, when'd you propose?"

Rick hesitated and felt Kate tense up beside him. Kate had never told the guys about the proposal five years earlier, she didn't know if Rick or Lanie had ever told them either. Not wanting to leave Rick hanging with what appears to be so simple a question, she spoke up for them, "I proposed guys, before we came here; this is our engagement party."

Ryan couldn't help but punch Espo, just couldn't resist, "Dude and you called me the girl? Castle is definitely the girl!"

Rick finally spoke up, "It's ok," then gave Kate a very slow look, up and down, ending with his eyes between her breasts, knowing what was concealed beneath, and causing a slow blush to rise on her cheeks, "I don't mind being the girl, the rewards are worth it."

Fighting her blush slightly, Kate grabbed Rick's hands and starting pulling him away, "This is a party guys, drink up; Rick, dance with me!"

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As Kate swayed with him, locked up tightly in his arms, she smiled both inside and at him, every time she caught his eyes. It had been two and a half years of work, proving what he meant to her, proving that she wanted him, to be there for him, and for neither of them to wonder if only any more.

Five years after she had chosen the DC job, and lived to regret it: he had said yes. After those five years her heart had finally found its home, the place it had belonged all along but had been denied for so long. Despite all the ups and downs, she finally felt at peace.

They were together again, their future just beginning.

[Finis totalis]


End file.
